1. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie meet with President Obama in Oval Office
Alas, they never got down to business, as the entire hour was spent with each side gushing, ”OMG, this is so cool! Okay, okay, you go first!”
2. Lil Wayne to publish prison diaries
”Day 42: Getting face tats with some old white dude who wants to manage my money. Says his name is Bernie, but everyone in here calls him Big Bilker.”
3. Brian Austin Green sues former fiancée/90210 costar Vanessa Marcil-Giovinazzo for $200,000 in allegedly unrepaid loans
Just how big was her tab at the Peach Pit After Dark?
4. Will Smith to host 25th Annual Kids’ Choice Awards
”You know what the difference is between past hosts and me?” said Smith, slipping on a pair of shades dripping in slime. ”I make this green s— look good.”
5. Showtime to air documentary The World According to Dick Cheney, which showcases unseen side of ex-VP
Apparently he’s a big fan of 24 but yells at the screen when Jack Bauer ”pusses out” during interrogations.
6. Madonna reportedly says of Lady Gaga’s ”Born This Way”: ”What a wonderful way to redo my song”
Madonna also praised Vogue magazine, calling it ”a noble attempt at adapting my song into words and pictures.”
7. MTV VJs to write tell-all book
Among the revelations: The Moonman landing was faked.
8. Today show celebrates 60th anniversary
Congrats, guys — you’re 60 percent of the way to having your name on a Smucker’s jar.
9. Red Hot Chili Peppers postpone tour after Anthony Kiedis suffers foot injuries
He wasn’t counting on such an enthusiastic response to the new single, ”Suck My Keds.”
10. Serious Pimp apparel company suing The Situation
In related news, ”Serious Pimp” is a less ridiculous name for a person than ”The Situation.”