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SoundBites: Jan. 6, 2012

One-liners from Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien, Jimmy Fallon, and more

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”[Anthony Weiner] and his wife, Huma, have given birth to a baby boy. He posted a photo of the new baby on Twitter, but people are afraid to open it.”

—Jay Leno on The Tonight Show

”I fell asleep watching The Help. How does it end? Does the house get clean or not?”

—Joan Rivers on Fashion Police

”Mitt Romney’s wife says her husband loves caffeine-free Diet Coke. Yeah, or as it’s known in the Mormon community, the ultimate gateway drug.”

—Conan O’Brien on Conan

”I thought I had Bigfoot on the plate.”

—Guest judge Patti LaBelle, critiquing a meat dish, on Top Chef: Texas

”Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg apparently went hunting; he killed a bison, nicknamed it ‘Billy,’ then mounted its head on a wall. Then Zuckerberg was like, ‘Anyone else wanna complain about the new Facebook Timeline?”’

—Jimmy Fallon on Late Night