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SoundBites: Dec. 3, 2011

Notable quotables from ”New Girl,” ”Community,” and more

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”Maybe if I take off all my clothes and I get in bed with it, the heat of my body will warm it up.”

— Jess (Zooey Deschanel), trying to thaw a frozen turkey, on New Girl

”This isn’t Hollywood, Pierce. If it was, these glasses would be tinted, and I’d be friends with Stevie Nicks.”

— Dean Pelton (Jim Rash), to Pierce (Chevy Chase), on Community

”In my country, it is considered very, very bad luck when your house burns down.”

— Gloria (Sofia Vergara) on Modern Family

”I did not graduate college because I did not ‘attend’ it.”

— Andy (Chris Pratt) on Parks and Recreation

”I better see some mother- f—ing snakes on some mother- f—ing plates.”

— Padma Lakshmi, rallying the contestants before a rattlesnake Quickfire Challenge, on Top Chef: Texas