You’ve all been there. It’s a blizzardy Saturday afternoon and you’re alone with your sofa and TV. So you cruise through movies on demand. Yes, you do plan to see Melancholia. But that can wait. Instead you find yourself spending a few bucks to watch Wrong Turn 4, a film about deformed hillbillies with a bloodlust for — what else? — incredibly attractive young actors. Why do we — okay, why do I — make questionable choices like this? Because there’s joy to be found in junk — the joy of turning off your brain and letting the movie do all the work. Or watching the movie do all the work while you sit back and laugh at its pathetic efforts to entertain.
In this issue, EW’s Chris Nashawaty digs deep into the darkest reaches of pop culture and unearths movie junk so junky you’ve probably never heard of most of it. All the movies on this list have a big (often then-unknown) star — like Angelina Jolie as a robotic terminatrix in 1993’s Cyborg 2. Or Johnny Depp in a 1985 Porky‘s rip-off called Private Resort, costarring Andrew Dice Clay. A note to the actors included here: We’re not trying to embarrass you (much). And please — we all have regrets. I once did a cover story for EW on Jason Patric where I predicted Geronimo would be a huge hit and actually wrote, “His eyes match the sky.” That’s far more mortifying than what Ryan Reynolds did, which is perform with an emo band in a raunchy 2000 comedy called — subtly — Coming Soon. More about that on page 37.
This package is brought to you by, well, you. When we asked readers if they were interested in Stars’ Worst Movies, they were so enthusiastic that we’ve already decided to do something like it every year around Thanksgiving. We’ll take an annual break from bringing you the best in pop culture and spend a few pages celebrating Hollywood’s most delicious turkeys.