1. Lady Gaga to star in ABC Thanksgiving special, prepare deep-fried turkey
The big question: How will she dress her turkey?
2. Broadway revival of Funny Girl postponed indefinitely
”I don’t know how you did it, kid, but good work,” said Barbra Streisand, discreetly handing Lea Michele a thick envelope of hundred-dollar bills in a dark alley.
3. Zooey Deschanel, Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard split
All Intelligentsias and Urban Outfitters will be turned into grief counseling centers for their fans.
4. Hugh Grant becomes father to baby girl after ”fleeting affair”
How fleeting? Like, Sunset and Highland to Sunset and Doheny.
5. Hilary Swank dropped by PR team after scandal
How many times does she have to explain? It was 14 years ago, and it wasn’t even a full season of 90210!
6. Roger Moore says of Sean Connery: ”A good actor — it’s a pity I can’t understand what he’s saying”
I think it’s: ”Really, Roger? Octopussy? And Boat Trip?”
7. More than 45,000 people in Detroit sign petition demanding that Detroit Lions scrap Nickelback as halftime entertainment for Thanksgiving Day game
Or at the very least that the halftime entertainment actually involves throwing them to the Lions.
8. Former American Idol hopeful William Hung working as analyst for sheriff’s department
”Standard operating procedure for the rookie not to be invited to Karaoke Night,” said the sheriff, heading out the door with everyone else.
9. Harold & Kumar animated series being pitched to networks
You gotta be high if you don’t think someone will scoop that right up. No, wait…you gotta be not high?
10. Jeopardy! contestant gaffes by answering, ”What is a threesome?”
Considering she was a contestant on Jeopardy!, it’s also possible she was just asking.