Ryan Gosling is perfect.
There’s no room for debate on that. Disagree? I’m sorry, you’re just wrong. Did you even see the Dirty Dancing scene with Emma Stone in Crazy, Stupid, Love.? Were you born without a pulse? He won our collective hearts in The Notebook, challenged our way of thinking (I loved Lars and the Real Girl, Ryan! I get you!), and officially hit A-list status this year with Love, Drive, and Ides of March.
And that’s just onscreen; his off-screen antics — hey girl! — are certainly not helping my borderline-stalking behavior. (Story of my life… ) So I get it. I’m right there with you, PopWatchers. But to not be ostracized by your friends — and not to mention to avoid police interest — here is my handy guide outlining warning signs that your Ryan Gosling love may be out of control.*
Have you ever:
1. Stolen a golf cart? Justin Timberlake revealed today that he and Gosling used to do that all the time on the set of The Mickey Mouse Club. But don’t try to ingratiate yourself into Gosling’s childhood memories. You weren’t there, no matter how many times you re-watch JT and Gosling act together.
2. Had a baby? This one should really go without saying, but when I saw the photo of Gosling giving a bottle to a little baby, I’m pretty sure my ovaries exploded. But don’t have a baby just so Ryan Gosling might one day hold it. Kids are around for a really long time.
3. Spent way too much time on the Internet? The problem with loving a celeb everyone is hot for is that your obsession is only encouraged by going online. Between F**KYeahRyanGosling and those feminist flashcards, the hours you spend at the computer can trick you into believing the only thing separating you two is one thin computer monitor. Back away slowly. Go outside. Get some air.
4. Bribed your friend to punch you in the face? We’ve all seen the awesome(ly hot) video of Gosling breaking up a street fight like an accidental badass, but no matter how game your friend is, fighting is bad. It’s better if your loyal friend just pushes you into a pool or something.
5. Considered moving to L.A. for ballet classes? When you read last night that Ryan Gosling is still taking ballet with little girls at some studio in L.A. — oh my God, I’m dying — you may have wanted to hop a plane and sign up for Intro to Pliés 101. But the moment you’ve forked over cash for a plane ticket, you’ve gone too far. No judgment, however, if you’re already in the Los Angeles area. That’s just smart timing.
*Not that I’ve ever considered any of these.
How’s your crush on Gosling going after these recent revelations? Are you embarrassed about anything you’ve considered? Share away!