Teresa is one of those people who’s impossible to argue with. Not because she’s a great debater — her comebacks are some variation of “SHUT UP!” or “No, YOU are!” after the three seconds it takes for her to comprehend what’s been said — but she’s so dumb that any insults or valid arguments fail to have the intended effect on her. She’ll never answer a question in a satisfying way because she rarely understands the question in the first place. If I were Melissa, I’d want to throttle her for not being able to come up with anything she “regretted” saying about me. Arguing with a brick wall can be infuriating.
The Twitterverse seems to think Andy Cohen was too hard on Teresa last night, but I disagree. I think even he’s getting frustrated with how she seems to believe her own lies, and I think it’s valid that he asked for clarification on what “distanned” meant. America needed to know.
Perhaps the most jaw-dropping instance of Teresa’s stupidity and delusion: Kathy discussed the time her daughter Victoria had a tennis ball-sized tumor removed from her brain, and Teresa immediately used that moment to talk about herself, to brag that she doesn’t sweat the “small stuff.” Seriously? Teresa is so insecure that she’ll imagine insults and hold onto them forever. She pulled a crazy on Kathy because she imagined Kathy was insulting her parenting; she flipped a table on a woman when it was implied she wasn’t particularly smart. Plus, she picked a fight with Melissa because she thought Melissa copied her expensive, Italian-styled floral arrangements. Yeah, Teresa, you don’t sweat the small stuff. As Melissa said, “Maybe if you keep saying it, it’ll become true.” (Did anyone notice how Teresa copied Melissa’s every word and gesture during the argument about Melissa copying Teresa?) I don’t blame Andy and the ladies for “ganging up” on Teresa. She doesn’t get it, and it’s annoying.
This reunion probably aged Caroline five years, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she quit the show after the fourth season that’s currently filming. She didn’t come across like an angel, though. She was a bit “meddling” when she shouted at Teresa about holiday dinner, and she did start an unnecessary argument about Gia’s memorable R&B song about Teresa and Joey. I agree with Caroline that letting Gia sing the song on national TV was wrong, but she should have known that arguing about it with Teresa wouldn’t get her anywhere. I felt for Caroline, though, because all this family ugliness has to be getting to her. I’m curious now about the rift with Dina, and I’m with Teresa: Show us the e-mails! Even though Caroline hardly cracked a smile this whole reunion, her scratching her ass after Teresa told her to “Go scratch!” was amazing. Plus, Caroline’s answer to “What does family mean to you?” made me a fan of hers all over again.
Part II of the reunion was pretty brutal, but there were some lighter moments, too. The unsung star of the show was Rosie, Kathy’s little sister. Caroline’s husband’s “tryst pad” above the Brownstone is highly suspect (not really, but it’s funny to imagine that it is). Melissa had to explain away a high school lesbian fling. And I couldn’t help but laugh at the way Kathy unintentionally buried Ashlee in the ground while comparing her unfavorably to Victoria. Clearly, she shares some cluelessness with Teresa’s side of the family, but in a nicer way.
Season 3 is a wrap! And thank goodness, because it looks like it’s just been a transition to a highly dramatic season 4. Did you think Andy and the ladies were too hard on Teresa? Are you surprised how well Melissa held her own during the reunion? (I am!) What do you think is going on with Dina and Jacqueline? Will you be back next season?