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SoundBites: Oct. 14, 2011

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”Mama’s about to get pretty inappropriate.”

—Melissa McCarthy, in her opening monologue, on Saturday Night Live

”Why do I only date brunettes? You know, sometimes you eat chicken and you get food poisoning and then even the sight of chicken makes you sick? Tammy One is my blond chicken.”

—Ron (Nick Offerman), on his first ex-wife, on Parks and Recreation

”I gave birth to my kid on my own in my bathtub, so that just shows you how driven I am.”

—Ricki Lake on Dancing With the Stars

”It’s a miracle I graduated without killing anyone.”

—Dexter (Michael C. Hall), about making it through high school, on Dexter

”What ever happened to the good old days when you could just buy your way into high society?”

—Naomi (AnnaLynne McCord) on 90210

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