When it comes to the Battle for the Snooki Subsidy — the $420,000 tax credit that the New Jersey government originally granted to Jersey Shore, which has just been vetoed by Governor Chris Christie — there are no heroes. Not MTV, which made untold millions off the Shore franchise in the last year and a half, but still couldn’t resist a tasty government shakedown for a few measly hundred thousands of weak American dollars. Not the grandstanding politicians, whose mock outrage over such an inessential matter proves once again that the modern American political system is incapable of focusing on actual important things, like a Ritalin-starved fifth grader who keeps getting distracted by his own shoelaces. Not the American public, who care more about half a million dollars misspent on popular drunk idiots than about untold trillions misspent on soulless finance kingpins and endless wars.
In fact, the only people who come off well in all this are the cast members of Jersey Shore. We like to pretend that they are the barbarians at the gate, the horsemen of the apocalypse. But the apocalypse is already here; we are the barbarians. At least the Jersey Shore cast is having fun. They’re like the tannest, drunkest, stupidest violinists left on the Titanic, playing string-quartet interpretations of crap house music while the ship sinks away.
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