1. Nicolas Cage reveals that he was once awakened in his bedroom by man eating Fudgsicle and wearing nothing except leather jacket
Man, someone’s really got to keep a tighter leash on Hasselhoff.
2. Toddlers & Tiaras star Eden Wood, 6, reportedly throws fit at Fashion Week after being told she can’t whiten her teeth
As the cops tried to remove her, an impressed Naomi Campbell stepped forward from the shadows and intoned, ”Leave the girl with me.”
3. New Jersey state senator implores governor to veto $420,000 Jersey Shore production tax credit
But he is in favor of releasing emergency funds to add some production values to Ronnie’s Xenadrine commercials.
4. FBI investigating nude photos of Scarlett Johansson leaked from her cell
The hacker has been placed on both the FBI’s Most Wanted and Most Congratulated lists.
5. Tareq Salahi reports wife Michaele missing, then files for divorce, citing her relationship with Journey guitarist Neal Schon
Tareq cited ”abandonment” and ”adultery” in the papers, while Michaele’s team simply responded in perfect harmony with ”Girl can’t help it.”
6. MTV greenlights Hoods, which follows celebs as they return to their hometown; the first episode features Ke$ha
Aunt Doris: ”Even when she was just a little ¢, we always knew that she’d grow up to be a $.”
7. At extreme-solar-systems conference, NASA scientists announce discovery of planet that orbits two stars, similar to Star Wars‘ two-sun Tatooine. Astronomer says, ”It’s pandemonium at the planetary party here”
In fact, some of the more hardcore scientists partied all the way until the second dawn. (That one’s for you, nerds!)
8. Director of Maggie Gyllenhaal’s invention-of-vibrator film Hysteria gave cast and crew vibrators on first day of shooting as gag
That’s pretty cool! All anyone got on day 1 of making Def Leppard’s Hysteria was an STD.