Oh for the love of, let this be true. A report on today’s HuffPost Celebrity suggests that Bravo has given the ax to Jill Zarin, Kelly Bensimon, and Alex McCord of the Real Housewives of New York. “No decisions have been made yet,” is all a Bravo rep would allow to EW. If the network does indeed shed the trio, that would leave Sonja Morgan, Countess LuAnn, and two remaining original cast members Ramona Singer and Pinot Grigio. Poor Cindy Barshop, last season’s disappointing addition to the line-up, didn’t even warrant a mention. (Though she later coughed up a response to the pseudo news: “Everything out there right now is just rumors. Nothing is 100 [percent] decided yet, it could go either way.”)
Somehow I fail to imagine Zarin taking this lying down. I picture the woman desperately sending pleading texts to Bravo’s Andy Cohen while forcing Bobby to hand-deliver trays of cold cuts and cheeses to the network offices. What if she promised to dye her hair blonde? What if she agreed never to mention her Skweez tummy shapers again? What if she declared herself a lesbian for half a season?
Bensimon will somehow try to blame this all on Bethenny, employing circular logic that suggests she heard Bethenny wanted her fired, not that she really even cares, because mean people are not fun, and you know what’s hot? Life is hot. I checked out Bensimon’s Twitter feed to see if she had any response to the rumors. “If I were a hot book cover what would I look like????? Thoughts?” (Several.) On that note, Bensimon is hard at work on her upcoming book I Want to Make You Hot. No thanks!
If this all shakes out, Simon may take the news hardest of all. Alex, who surely doesn’t understand why she gets the boot when she sat on the side of right during the reunion, will probably convince someone to let her keep recapping the show. Their Brooklyn basement office is suddenly going to feel all kinds of sad and lonely without the Bravo production crew to keep them company.
Cindy, duh, she was always a goner.
But seriously, a cast overhaul can only be good news for what had become the dreariest of the Housewives lot. No more Jill spitting nails at Alex. No more Kelly being Kelly. No more birthday party scenes with François and the other little guy. I do have to wonder why the Countess may have made the cut. But I totally get hanging on to Sonja. I’ve always been endeared to the woman, even during her hoity toity arc last season. She managed to avoid tumbling into her own schtick a la Jill Zarin. And let’s face it: Love or detest the gal, there is no show without Ramona Singer. She’s kooky, good-intentioned, ridiculous, mouthy, often tipsy, and, most importantly, unperturbed by crowd judgment. The thing Bravo has to be careful about when casting new Housewives though is whether Ramona can play nice with them. So hire Joni. Bring on some of Sonja’s burlesque buddies (just not the woman who pees herself when she goes shopping). Consider putting together a cast that has some genuine connections to one another and likes to enjoy some laughs together. What if the genius of the new Real Housewives of New York was that for the most part they kinda liked each other?
What do you think Housewives fans? Is this good news? Would the network be cutting the right deadweight? Did you too feel badly for Cindy that she was left out entirely of the original report? Is there a single one of you who would ever employ Kelly Bensimon as your life coach?