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Hit List: Aug. 12, 2011

Gene Simmons proposes, ”Hostel” heads to the theme park, and more

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1. Entourage pad that Vince and company lived in last season sells for $4.2 million
It was priced to move at $4.1 mil, but rumors that Turtle totally spaced and left behind a sick stash of weed kicked it up another hundred grand.

2. Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek injures his Achilles tendon while trying to catch thief who’d stolen cash, jewelry from his hotel room
No thanks to Watson, who just stood idly by, processing the whole thing. Supercomputer, my ass!

3. Olivia Wilde says Jonas Brothers put ”a no-sex hex” on their former house, where she now lives
She might get more action if her bedroom didn’t have a triple bunk bed adorned with Teen Choice surfboard awards and purity rings.

4. Gene Simmons finally proposes to Shannon Tweed on Family Jewels
He surprised her with a gourmet picnic and string quartet that he’d hidden under his tongue.

5. Olsen twins unveil fashion line at Barneys, featuring $39,000 crocodile-skin backpack
$39,000?!? Does it come with $38,900 in the backpack?

6. Britain pulls Lancôme ads of digitally altered Julia Roberts; one politician calls it ”not representative of the results the products could achieve”
And yet still no investigation of Larry Crowne?

7. Universal Studios Hollywood to feature Hostel theme-park experience
If that’s not gory enough, they’re already working on The Human Centipede: Treat yourself and the guy behind you to an unforgettable intestinal thrill ride!

8. Sofia Vergara says her riding a horse on Modern Family this season will not be ”pretty to look [at]”
A record number of first-time male viewers of Modern Family will be the judge of that, Sofia.

9. New Afghan show inspired by The Office
The big catchphrase? ”That’s what she wasn’t allowed to say.”