With the lifeblood of Los Angeles traffic, the 405 freeway, shut down this weekend, what’s a Southern Californian faced with Carmageddon to do? Go outside? Hang out with friends? Ha! Here’s a guide to your TV choices over the next three days. If you don’t live in the L.A. area, this post is not written for you, but we’re okay with you using it anyway:
— Ongoing: ESPN 2’s World Series of Poker live coverage. The money bubble is approaching and players are getting tense. You could just park your remote here this weekend.
— 8 p.m.: ABC Shark Tank repeat with Mark Cuban. Yes, we keep shilling this show, no we’re not making anything off it.
— 9 p.m.: Bio’s Casey Anthony cash-in: Casey Anthony: How Did We Get Here? Oh Bio, you’re a long way from Clark Gable documentaries aren’t you?
— Tonight: Twilight marathon on Showtime. Vampire or werewolf, vampire or werewolf, she just can’t decide!
— All day: BBC America’s Star Trek: TNG and Battlestar Galactica geekfest. We didn’t say your choices would be pretty.
— 8 p.m., History’s Pawn Stars block. A show about pawn shop guys evaluating attic trash draws between 5 and 7 million viewers an episode. Amazing. Over on A&E, it’s a Storage Wars block.
— 11 a.m. / 2 p.m.: ESPN’s coverage of the World Cup Soccer Final: Japan vs. U.S. — LA residents might not be able to go anywhere, but you’ll feel like you’re in a whole other country if you find yourself caring about the outcome of a soccer game.
— Afternoon: TLC’s Extreme Couponing marathon. Will the money they save pay for the therapy they need? Over on Bravo, there’s a long block of Real Housewives and E! has a Kardashians block leading up to a new episode.
— 8 p.m.: CBS’ Big Brother: Relief! An actual new broadcast show that people watch.
— 9 p.m.: Oxygen’s The Glee Project and HBO’s True Blood, then Curb Your Enthusiasm. Is the 405 still closed?
Of course none of these choices compare to CNN or local news if Carmageddon actually results in the world’s biggest traffic jam, with babies being born in the back of gridlocked cars and planes flying empty because nobody can get to the airport. But, really, what are the odds of TV on the weekend being that entertaining?