Even though I don’t use my Facebook much anymore, I do have one. Thus, it’s no secret that I spend a fair amount of time thinking about how others perceive me. (I’m not ashamed.) But this weekend, while reading the latest EW Summer Movie Math post, I starting thinking about how I perceive myself — in movie math terms.
We all relate to different aspects of our favorite characters on TV and in movies, but it’s a whole other (very time-consuming) game when you try to calculate your personal movie math — which, for these purposes, we’ll call Character Math. It took me two days of sporadic thought to come up with something satisfactory. Here’s what I concluded (share yours, too, so I’m not the only painfully self-absorbed person here!):
Ron Swanson – mustache + Blair Waldorf – [money + lots of pretty clothes] + Cher Horowitz’s driving skills + Cameron Fry = Sandra
I started with a mustache-less Ron Swanson (which, some might argue, is not Ron Swanson at all…) because not only do I, like Ron, enjoy dark-haired members of the opposite sex and breakfast foods, but I also wish more organizations — including the government — had a business model like Chuck E. Cheese. Additionally, I have cried twice in my life: Once when I was hit by a school bus and then again when I heard that Li’l Sebastian had passed. (Only one part of that last sentence is true.)
Next, we add to that sum, Blair Waldorf’s vindictiveness and general bitchery. (Quote my best friend: “[You’re] my little psycho.”) But I’d be delusional if I pretended to have her keen fashion sense, so I’ll subtract that. Instead, I’ll confess to a longheld secret of mine: I’m a terrible driver. True story: I once managed to get my car stuck between two fences…horizontally. (Note: That’s not my car, but it’s the closest example I could find after Googling “idiot.”) Between that and my fender benders, I am definitely comprised of a piece of Clueless’ Cher Horowitz.
Last, I’ll take a cue from the post by EW’s Jeff Labrecque about Ferris Bueller and admit that I always considered myself a Cameron — particularly because of his hypochondriac tendencies. My family, meanwhile, was always convinced I was the female Ferris Bueller. (True story No. 2: One year, I had 20 absences in high school.)
Your turn, PopWatchers: What’s your Character Math? Don’t be ashamed to spend this much time thinking about yourself. We all do it.
Follow the Libertarian former truant Sandra on Twitter: @EWSandraG