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Emmys 2017
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'The Bachelorette' season premiere: I'm not as think as you drunk I am

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You know, I never thought that anyone would be able to make a worst first impression on the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise than that chick who took off her thong and handed it to Bachelor Matt. Oh, recapper of little faith! Did I not realize that Team Bachelorette would search far and wide to find someone capable of even bigger acts of jackassery? (SPOILER ALERT: Read no further if you’ve not seen tonight’s episode.) Behold tonight’s season premiere, in which our second choice dear Bachelorette Ashley met 25 “men,” some of whom achieved adequate idiot status (I’m talking to you, guy with soul patch), but the one who truly brought his d-bag A-game was Tim — a.k.a. the guy who got so drunk not even the Bachelorette and the incriminating glare of TV-camera lights could wake him. (See clip, below.) It was an auspicious beginning to a season that’s bound to be jam-packed with crippling self-esteem issues (Ashley), “wrong reasons” galore (Bentley), and a guy wearing a mask while sitting on the toilet (Jeff). Stay tuned for my full recap later tonight (UPDATE: Click over for Kristen’s full Bachelorette season premiere recap), but in the meantime, let me hear your thoughts on tonight’s premiere. Is passing out cold worse than thong-stripping? Was it me, or did one of the front-runner bachelors seem slightly sexually ambiguous? And will Ashley ever truly believe that she deserves “love”?