Lady Gaga’s plan to release tracks from Born This Way on FarmVille starting today seems like a natural step in her digital evolution. Actually, it’s hard to believe she hasn’t gotten pixelated before now. Gaga and video games would be the perfect marriage of subject and medium. Think about it. In her genre-bending videos she’s like a customizable character — choose her clothes, hair, and makeup! — who always seems to be on some kind of hell-bent vendetta or machine-gun-toting quest. So to honor the launch of GagaVille, we pondered what would have happened if she had starred in ten classic videogames. What if Her Ladyship had played, say, Princess Peach in Super Mario 64? Or brought the Monster Ball to Liberty City? See our picks for games ripe for a Gaga makeover after the break and suggest your own.
Super Mario 64 — Gaga’s never really been the damsel in distress type, but she may have more in common with kidnap-prone Princess Peach than you think. Imagine Bowser replaced by an eyepatch-wearing Alexander Skarsgård — Peach’s mustachioed rescuer could be played by Gaga’s male alter ego “Joe Calderone” — and you’ve got yourself Super Mario Paparazzi.
GoldenEye 007 — Gaga may not kill men with her thighs a la Famke Janssen’s killer assassin, Xenia Onatopp, but she can be just as deadly. Just ask Tyrese Gibson. Also, why would you pick Scaramanga’s golden gun for multiplayer mode when you could have a Max Factor sidearm?
Street Fighter — She can square off against a clone of herself wearing a different costume! Fire bra Gaga may seem hard to defeat, but I’d put my money on telephone-hat Gaga. She can call in machine-gun bra Gaga for backup.
Joust — But with Disco Sticks!
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic — Torn between redeemed Jedi knight Revan and unredeemable Sith Lord Malak, the noble-though-corruptible Jedi knight Bastila Shan finds herself in a dilemma worthy of “Judas.” Revan is her virtue, and Malak is the demon she clings to. Mal-ak, Mal-ah-ahk, Mal-ak, Mal-ah-ahk, Mal-ak, Mal-ah-ahk, Mal-ak, Ga-Ga!
Pac Man — At first glance, Pinky may seem to have more in common with, say, Katy Perry than Gaga. Think again. Pinky’s a man-eater, craving Pac Man with cannibalistic glee. But in Ms. Pac Man, Pinky reveals herself to be a woman-eater too. She’s bi-curious!
Tomb Raider — When starting this list, Lara Croft almost seemed too obvious. But colleague Darren Franich suggested a mere Grammy-egg-inspired title change: Womb Raider. And with a reboot due for a 2014 release, they could do worse than cast Mother Monster in the title role.
Grand Theft Auto — The Monster Ball will cause that Liberty City cabaret act to go out of business. Though, really, who am I kidding? I’ll still be spending all my time in the strip club. Pixels are hot.
Metroid — The sci-fi saga starring a kick-ass female heroine in a face-obscuring, androgynous metal suit with epic shoulder-pads. Wouldn’t have to change a thing.
Bubble Bobble — Sometimes the most obvious choice is the hardest to see.