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'Cougar Town': The Cobbs can get through anything!

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Cougar Town
Matt Kennedy/ABC

The headline says it all. The Cobbs can get through anything! I know you’re (probably) not a Cobb, but I have faith you can make it through this recap. So let’s chat “sorry, we still cringe at the title” Cougar Town.

Kirsten was officially planning her move to Chicago. Since locking her to a pipe with a chain was not a valid option, Travis furthered his plan to propose with his great-grandmother’s ring. I must note the rejected plans: 1) Skipping the ring altogether and putting a baby in her. 2) Pimp-whacking her over the head. Yeah, a proposal was really his only option.

Per Jules’ request, Grayson (kind of) took interest in Travis’ life. It was all fun and games until Grayson learned Kirsten would say no if/when Travis proposed. At first, Grayson tried to steal the engagement ring (“he’s going Gollum on us!”) to avoid telling Travis what he knew. But being pancaked by Kevin seemed to have a truth-telling effect: “She’s going to say no.”

And sure enough, she did. I admittedly don’t really care about Kirsten, but seeing her leave Travis on the beach was way too sad. Even Jules, who didn’t want Travis to propose in the first place, wanted Kirsten to say yes. We already know that in CT‘s season 2 finale, Travis heads to Hawaii to deal with his early-life crisis. I’m guessing a failed proposal is a good enough reason to have a crisis. The only upside to his proposal fiasco was his bonding with Grayson. Travis knew immediately that Jules put Grayson up to it, but they still shared some good man bonding. Aww.

Jellybean Laurie was sick of the cul-de-sac crew taking each other for granted, so she decided to implement justice. Foster home-style. (Without the coat hanger branding, naturally.) She formed a sacred council and gave it an appropriate name: The Council. The creation of The Council ensured that the punishment would always fit the crime. For example: Ellie banished to the roof because she always acts like she’s above everyone. Bobby’s no-punishment punishment, because fear of the unknown is terrifying.  Andy locked in a hot car for an hour. (“I don’t care. I’m Cuban. We eat heat for breakfast.”); Little Richard (Wooo!), the saddest little wine glass EVER. As expected, all punishments were met with a lot of complaining. Eventually, The Council was disbanded because they realized friends are the people you can constantly crap on. And you can’t crap on your friends when you fear The Council. (Ed. note: Please don’t crap on your friends…Unless they really deserve it.)

The “karma gods” punished Jules early in the episode with a sprained knee for spying on Travis. Really, it’s kind of shocking she hasn’t faced more wrath from said gods. From what I hear, karma’s a bitch. And possibly related to Kirsten. (Just kidding.) While Jules’ mobility might have suffered, I thoroughly enjoyed her pimp cane. Speaking of pimps… nope, I can’t make that  segue happen.

Inspired by Bobby’s simple living, the gang talked about how once women get a taste of the good life (like indoor plumbing and not sitting on milk crates) they can never go back. Ellie and Laurie summed up this theory pretty nicely: “It’s crazy! Because it’s not! It’s totally true!” At first I thought Jules’ need for four towels was completely excessive. Then I realized I use three towels! (Hair, body, and one as a floor mat. Go ahead and judge.) But Jules believed she could give it all up for the simple life. She and Bobby decided to switch homes for the weekend, which meant Jules would have to rough it on the boat with a $20 budget. Bobby taught her the ropes (really, there were actual ropes) and an important lesson on electricity: “Spark good. Fire bad. That little rhyme might save your life.” It doesn’t rhyme, but the takeaway here is still pretty good. Jules made the most of her 20 bucks and stocked up on the most basic of necessities: two bottles of wine.

After she fought a bum for her wine and lost (bums always win wine fights), Jules was ready to give up. Thankfully, Ellie swooped in with a motivating/help-me-win-a-bet speech. “If you lose, I have to start calling Stan by his middle name. I can’t say ‘I love you, Hector.’ It’s not in me.” She believed in Jules! (Or at least she did when she was hammered.) Either way, Jules decided to sack up uterus up, and make it work. And she did just that. She made fire and managed to survive two whole days on the boat.

Other “Lonesome Sundown” highlights:

++ Andy, Ellie, and Jules making fun of Grayson for being whipped. This makes the list solely because it reminded me of this. You’re welcome.

++ “You better pay my bitches! That’s fun!” –Lady J Love Explosion

++ “Grayson, watch how this is done in case I ever lose my arms.” –Jules acting as Laurie’s official sip giver, another Council punishment

++ “Every moment I sit on this information and don’t tell her, I am in danger.” –Grayson

++ Christa Miller (Ellie) totally holding in a real LAUGH when dog Travis was licking her. I swear she was about to break.

++ Jules stealing moisturizer from underneath Ellie’s eyes and putting it on her own face.

++ “Want to catch crabs? You gotta be patient.” –Jules  “Or unlucky.” –Grayson

++ Let’s revel in the fact that Grayson admitted to making and selling jewelry, specifically a turquoise bolo tie for Lou Diamond Phillips. Phillips later appeared as himself in search of more Grayson-made jewelry. (Is he really more handsome in person?!)

What was your favorite line from “Lonesome Sundown?” How many towels do you use? And could you survive a weekend on Bobby’s land boat? Tell me in the comments or fear the wrath of the karma gods and The Council.

Breia on Twitter

Read more: All ‘Cougar Town’ posts on PopWatch