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'30 Rock': Lizbeanism philosophy meets mortality

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30Rock 042811
Ali Goldstein/NBC

The new, post-100th episode of 30 Rock was all about taking charge of your own life. What’s the best way to do this? Rhymes, songs, quotes, and haikus, of course! All of those work until mortality sets in, and then you realize you have no control whatsoever. No human is truly the master of his or her fate. But more on that later. First, we’ll start out with a lovely little lullaby to ease you into the recap: Hush island baby/tomorrow you shuck the cane/your little fingers bloody/prepare to be whipped.

Avery was in China as part of NBC news’ Hot Blondes in Weird Places initiative. And since Jack was busy trying to sleep-train the baby, he was content with the news that Avery would be staying in Asia longer than originally planned. But when Avery was detained in North Korea by Kim Jong-Il (Margaret Cho), Jack could only blame himself because he wished that she’d stay a little longer. (Just for the record, Avery is not a spy…I think. Kim Jong-Il just wanted her for propaganda purposes.) Jack expressed his feelings about the situation to Jonathan in haiku form: I told her to stay/I didn’t want her to leave/This is my fault…Leave

Liz Lemon was busy cleaning up the mess Tracy left behind at her apartment. In the process, she realized how little control she had over her life and how much she wanted her home to be a kick-ass duplex like on Diff’rent Strokes. All she needed to do was start treating her personal life like her work life (and maybe wash her clothes more frequently). So it was settled. “First the bathroom, then the apartment, then the world!” It’s a pretty lofty plan for anyone, and definitely Lemon. But her newly adopted philosophy, Lizbeanism*, surely meant she could handle anything. (*”My name is simple, and my philosophy is simple. Like a bean.”) Jack, a fan of her new plan, bestowed upon Liz a necktie from his office safe of neckties, and gave her this nugget of wisdom: No matter how strait the gate, or charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul. So off she went to conquer the world, and learn Spanish.

Another song break, but this time more of an upbeat number: Sometimes we use a song to move a story along and explain it to you/Cause Liz is taking charge, taking control of everything she do/In her personal life/Hey Hey Na Na/In her personal life/Here comes the story obstacle now…

Her big problem? A bag in a tree. Umm what? It confused me at first, but then I remembered Lemon has substituted bags for underwear before. I’d be offended too if I had to look out my window every day and see a pair of underwear just hanging there. I get it. It’s supposed to be a control issue. But really, it’s gotta be the underwear thing. She tried everything to get the bag out of the tree: City Hall, a grappling hook (all it got her were street signs), and eventually a saw. She even got tazed! But if she didn’t give up when the squirrel she’d trained to retrieve the bag ran away, nothing would stop her.

Lemon finally got rid of her bag situation: No matter how much the gate is strait or who punishes the scrolls, I am the captain of my holes, or whatever. But her victory was short-lived when a whole fleet of bags was released into the sky. “Noooooooo, mortality!” is right.

Back in Jack land, he decided his best bet to get Avery out of Korea was Condoleezza Rice, former Secretary of State and Jack’s ex-girlfriend. Me + you = :(  In the end, not even Condi could get Avery out of North Korea. Avery + Freedom = :(  With no other option, Avery was married to Kim Jong-Il’s son, Kim Jong-Un. Well that’s certainly one way to explain a minor character’s absence.

Meanwhile, Tracy was busy acting crazy normal because he was jealous that Kenneth, Grizz, and Dot Com appeared to have bonded during his absence. So he decided they had to recreate the moment from which their inside joke was born. Smooth move, Ferguson! And since his entourage is there to serve (only) him, they jumped at his demands. As it turned out, Tray’s entourage was just trying to fill the void he left went he went to “Africa.” So they all made up and sealed it with a quad hug.

Other “Everything Sunny All The Time Always” highlights: 

++ Dr. Kevorkian is the ill-named pediatrician of Jack and Avery’s daughter, Liddy

++ “I found Tracy. I saved the show. I always think of a third thing when I’m listing stuff.” –Liz

++ “That’s from Invictus. Wait, who was the white guy in that?” — Liz (That white guy is THIS guy. So funny.)

++ “In food news, you’ve had enough to eat today.” –Avery’s report in North Korea sounds very similar to my conscience.

++ “I will have a nice day! I’m gonna hang you in my kitchen, and fill you with other bags! You will eat your family!” –Lemon to her new nemesis, the plastic bag

++ Jack and Condi’s Dueling Banjos-esque flute/piano battle. Those turkeys!

++ “Also, no one’s ever seen an iPhone. I told them it was my razor. I have to shave my legs with it, but they have an app for that.” –Avery

++ “It’s nobody’s fault, except maybe that pansy Harry Truman, who should have taken down this country while he had the chance.” –Avery

Did you have a favorite moment I didn’t include? And are you prepared for next week’s season finale? If you don’t have the answers to any of those questions, go ask Melissa about it! (Hahaha. That’s my inside joke with Tracy. You had to be there.)

Read more: All ‘3o Rock’ posts on PopWatch

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