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'Cougar Town': A historical lesson brought to you by Richard Stands

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Cougar Town
Danny Feld/ABC

Last night’s Cougar Town taught us a valuable lesson about embarrassment: You can’t hear the world laughing at you if you’re laughing harder. (Or in Andy’s case, if you have pool water stuck in your ear.) It also taught us the importance of a good history lesson. If you don’t learn the simple stuff, you might just end up looking like a super-sexy corpse. And I think that’s a bad thing.

We learned how charitable the cul-de-sac crew is: Laurie raises money for public schools, Grayson helps eradicate non-indigenous species in the Everglades, Bobby volunteers at a soup kitchen—just as a taster, but still—and Ellie and Andy both help out at a women’s shelter. The women take turns kicking Andy in the crotch during their self-defense classes. Another day, another kick in the crotch. Jules, although happy just writing checks, realized she wanted to get involved too. She joined Laurie’s charity, The Wonder of Reading. Reading helped Laurie get out of her crap school and neighborhood, so she felt the need to give back. (Ed. note: “reading” in that last sentence can be defined as “car modeling.”)

So with Laurie at her side, Jules went to a local school to show off her new charitable side and inadvertently prove that she owns the shush clap. While there, she gave this rehearsed impromptu heartwarming speech: “Reading is everything. I grew up in the hood, ya’ll. My best friend Jo Jo got shot in the face. It should have been me. But reading got me out.” All reading ever got me were those summer reading program medals and free ice cream cones at McDonalds. So clearly, I came out on top. But I digress.

Jules was awarded by being asked to lead the students in the Pledge of Allegiance. Enter public humiliation part one: “…And to the republic for Richard Stands.” Jules learned the hard way that Richard Stands did not write the Pledge of Allegiance or sign the Declaration of Independence. It’s OK, Jules. According to Grayson, we’re all stupid! Just not when it comes to bar trivia.

Grayson introduced trivia to his establishment, which will henceforth be referred to as TGIGrayson’s. Both Ellie and Grayson rocked the game until Laurie threatened to take them both down, which she successfully did. Game. Set. Miz-atch. So how did she who chews gum and eats buffalo wings at the same time come out on top? By cheating, of course. And with that, Laurie taught us another important lesson: “Big brain, rockin’ hoots, and stems. Just goes to show you can never judge a book by its front part.” God bless (dumb) America for Richard Stands.

Meanwhile, Bobby left town for his first pro golf tournament in years. Andy, who’d been literally training in the pool for weeks, joined him as his caddy. But the pool water got in Andy’s ears and didn’t serve him or Bobby well. Andy couldn’t hear a thing, which resulted in Bobby’s MC Hammer dance and ultimately caused him to hit his competitor’s ball. Tough break. After taking the two-stroke penalty, Bobby “Wrong Balls” Cobb crumbled under the pressure. He eventually owned the embarrassment, and ended up turning it around for his own personal gain. Nicely played, Wrong Balls.

Jules blamed herself for Bobby’s misfortune because she prayed that the spotlight be taken off her. But once she realized it wasn’t her magical powers that hurt Bobby, she headed back to face her fears in front of the school children. Enter public humiliation part two: “…One nation under God, invisible…” Because God is invisible. Duh!

Other “You’re Gonna Get It” Highlights: 

++ “It’s hot. I’m hungry. There are snakes.” –Jules talking about how repetitive her sponsored African child was in his letters

++ “Follow @TheLarmy right now, and you’ll thank us later.” The fact that @TheLarmy = The Laurie’s Army is a real Twitter account. And that Ellie referred to it as an “army of jellybeans.” Also, while I was recapping, Ms. Laurie gave EW this special twibes shout out!

++ Did you know Benjamin Franklin invented baseball, was an awesome president, and he made the first wig? If you said yes, I can only assume you took the same history class as Laurie Keller.

++ “The trick is to store your cookies on the top shelf, and then you just go for them one at a time.” –Jules on how she gets her great calves

++ Barb is BACK! This time making fun of Jules for her Pledge gaffe.

++ “‘Wrong balls’ is trending on Twitter. It’s above Bieber!” –Laurie

++ “Well, I hope you banged your way from a-ha to ZZ Top, because we need this.” –Grayson

I really loved this episode. What was your favorite moment? And how do you respond to public humiliation? One more important topic: It was brought to my attention via Twitter that one of the children in the class looked like Courteney Cox’s daughter. Did CoCo just make her (very discreet) Cougar Town debut? Sound off in the comments, and hold on loosely.

Follow Breia on Twitter