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'Parks and Rec' fans: Expand your Tom Haverford vocab

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Tom Haverford
Mitchell Haaseth/NBC

Last week’s episode of Parks and Recreation provided us with a lot of wonderful moments, from Ron and Chris’ cook-off (plain burger always wins) to Leslie and Ben’s sweet moment on the bench in front of their favorite mural. But there was no single moment greater than Tom Haverford’s explanation of his other words for things. I’ve watched the segment more times than I should admit and have legitimately started using his totally insane expressions.

For example, in Tom’s world, air conditioners are “cool blasterz” (yes, with a ‘z’), chicken parm is “chickie chickie parm parm,” forks are “food rakes,” and most brilliantly, eggs are “pre-birds” or “future birds.”

Thankfully, the Internet has bestowed us with TomHaverfoods.com, a simple, but genius little site that provides us with new, totally random Tom-isms matched up with Aziz Ansari’s priceless expressions (you can practically hear him saying these things as you click through.)

New Tom definitions that must immediately be integrating into our national lexicon, not to mention all of our restaurant menus: 

Burgers = Moo Pies

Salads = Leaf Piles

Beers = Punky Brewsters

Biscuits = Butter Boats

Muffins = Naked Cupcakes

Crackers = Lame Cookies

Shrimp = Tiny-Ass Lobster

Bacon = Kevin Bacon

Tell us, PopWatchers, which Tom Haverfood sounds most appealing to you? Have you been coming up with your own Parks and Rec-inspired names for things, too?

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