Stephen Glover, a.k.a. Steve-O, a.k.a. the grinning, tattooed dude who rose to fame as a crash test dummy/circus freak on Jackass, just pulled off one of his most dangerous stunts to date: He wrote a book (with journalist David Peisner). According to the back cover of the advance copy that has arrived in my mailbox, Professional Idiot: A Memoir (June 7, Hyperion) gives you a peek into the life and hard times of the skateboard punk-turned-clown college grad-turned Jackass star, who wound up “routinely risking his life with sharks, lions, tigers, or bears, stapling his nut sack to his leg, or diving into a pool of elephant crap” and spinning out of control in his apartment as he “drank, snorted, huffed, smoked and swallowed drugs around the clock” until his Jackass coconspirator Knoxville led an “an intervention in which eight men forced him into a psychiatric ward against his will, and ultimately saved his life.” (Let’s all take a moment to absorb everything that happened in that sentence.)
Now, I’ve seen the Jackass movie trilogy, the television series, and MTV’s harrowing docu-special Steve-O: Demise and Rise (which chronicled his descent into madness before finding sobriety), but I’ll admit that I’m still interested to glean more insight into his carnivalesque, self-destructive world. That said, we’re talking about a Steve-O book here, and I think we owe it to him to do something appropriately crazy with this book. Herewith, some options:
1. Bounce it off a trampoline and into a ceiling fan.
2. Slice it in half and use the pieces as stilts to walk around on.
3. Grind it up in a blender, mix in our favorite frozen cocktail, chug it, and then vomit it up.
4. Rub it against the webbing of our fingers and toes — not to mention, our mouth — until we have lots of painful papercuts.
5. Tear out all of the pages and staple them to our body. (See book cover above.)
6. Jump up and down while someone while someone tries to tattoo it onto our back.
7. Place it on the seat of an about-to-overflow port-a-potty, then knock over the porta-potty with a giant wrecking ball.
8. Wrap it in raw chicken, wedge it into a leopard-print thong, and dangle it over an alligator pit.
9. Attach it to a bottle rocket, and shoot it out one of our orafices.
10. Read it. (Too extreme?)
What do you think, PopWatchers? Is there another option we should be considering? Are you interested in reading about Steve-O’s tragedies and triumphs?