1. Sylvester Stallone reunited with his car from Cobra after filing lawsuit
Thus foiling the Bronx Zoo Cobra’s next escape plan.
2. Van Halen rumored to be finally finishing new album with David Lee Roth
Sure. And aliens abducted Sammy Hagar.
3. Betty White to host NBC reality show in which senior citizens prank young people
Things get wild when Granny laces a teenager’s cereal bowl with a natural laxative — this week on Prun’d!
4. True Blood star Ryan Kwanten rushes to aid of bleeding man lying on Hollywood street
It was actually nothing like the show, because everyone had their clothes on.
5. Miley Cyrus quoted as saying about Rebecca Black: ”You shouldn’t just be able to put a song on YouTube and go on tour”
Totally agree. You should have to put in the hard work of having a famous parent and being marketed by Disney’s tween machine.
6. Mr. T to host BBC series World’s Craziest Fools, featuring stories about bumbling criminals
I can’t wait to see the Great Jewelry Heist of ’84, when five burglars tried to break into his neck.
7. NBA investigating whether New Jersey Nets co-owner Jay-Z committed violation by visiting Kentucky Wildcats locker room
Of his 99 problems, Rule 4, Sec 2.6, Article 3 is the least sexy of them.
8. Judge Judy briefly hospitalized, says she was ”just exhausted”
When will all these young, out-of-control starlets realize that we’re just not buying that excuse anymore?
9. Vanilla Ice to star as Captain Hook in British pantomime production of Peter Pan
From exploiting a hook to playing one. That counts as progress, I think.
10. Meat Loaf has profane meltdown on The Celebrity Apprentice
He immediately sought psychiatric help, explaining, ”When you have a fight with Gary Busey and you come off as the crazy one, it’s a wake-up call.”