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Sound Bites: April 1, 2011

The best lines from the week in TV, featuring ”Jersey Shore,” “The Office,” and “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”

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Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark is now the second-leading cause of death in America.”
— Jimmy Kimmel, on the lead actress of Broadway’s Spider-Man getting injured during a scene, on Jimmy Kimmel Live!

”Say what you will about our country, but we do not deport our celebrities. Now, at worst, we exile them to reality shows.”
— Victoria (Wendie Malick) on Hot in Cleveland

”After I run for president…the economy would rise. Everyone would be tan. And all the radios would play house music.”
— Snooki on Jersey Shore

”Your wife becoming me will I.”
— Holly (Amy Ryan), accepting Michael’s (Steve Carell) proposal, on The Office