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Hit List: March 25, 2011

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1. Daredevil to get big-screen reboot by Fox
Catwoman: ”Does this mean — ” Warner Bros.: ”No.”

2. FBI investigating cyberthieves who swiped nude pics of celebs including Jessica Alba, Vanessa Hudgens, and Christina Aguilera
J-Woww was last seen waving her iPhone on an unsecured network, shouting ”Can you hack me now?”

3. Seeking not to alienate China, producers of new Red Dawn film digitally alter enemy to be North Korean instead of Chinese
Sniffed Kim Jong Il: ”A man threatens a little nuclear war, runs a reasonably repressive regime, lets a few million citizens die of starvation — allegedly — and suddenly I’m the bad guy?”

4. Jon Bon Jovi blasts Steve Jobs for ruining the music business
I’d like to see Bon Jovi name one single example. I don’t need a whole collection — just a single.

5. Fran Drescher starring on TV Land sitcom
Asked why she chose TV Land, Drescher said, ”Most of their viewers have already experienced significant hearing loss, and I’m just trying to be considerate.”

6. Spider-Man costar C. Thomas Howell spills key movie plot point
Angry producers leak title of Howell’s next film, Soul Man 2.

7. Author claims Courtney Love suggested they do line of Kurt Cobain’s ashes during interview
Sighed Keith Richards, wiping his nose: ”You always snort the ones you love.”

8. Katy Perry’s evangelical mom to pen book that addresses daughter’s controversial career choices
Katy is peeved, saying her mom had vowed to keep her family secrets in a ”cone bra of silence.”

9. Bret Michaels says Miley Cyrus version of ”Every Rose Has Its Thorn” will finally be released
Slight tweak: It’s now called ”Every Rose Has Its Thorn (Did You Unskinny Bop My Mom?).”

10. Chilean man boasts 82 tattoos of Julia Roberts
He also inadvertently set a Guinness World Record: Twenty-nine percent of his body is covered in pictures of teeth.

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