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Sound Bites: March 11, 2011

The best lines from the week in TV, featuring ”The Celebrity Apprentice,” ”Modern Family,” and ”Jimmy Kimmel Live!”

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”Richard, you did call him little, you called him sensitive, and you called him delicate. These are not adjectives that most men would want to be described [as].”
— Ivanka Trump, recapping Richard Hatch’s description of David Cassidy, on The Celebrity Apprentice

”I want a baby. One of my own. Preferably a boy. And in brown.”
— Renee (Vanessa Williams), to Lynette (Felicity Huffman), on Desperate Housewives

”Relax, half the 11th grade’s been inside this sweater.”
— Alex (Ariel Winter), on borrowing a sweater from Haley (Sarah Hyland), on Modern Family
”Is there a tri-polar? Maybe he’s that.”
— Jimmy Kimmel, on Charlie Sheen claiming he’s not bipolar, on Jimmy Kimmel Live!

”Melissa doesn’t know what she’s doing. She’s my daughter — the only tool she’s ever used before this is a mascara brush.”
— Joan Rivers, on Melissa assembling a bed, on Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?