How’s that for an all-encompassing headline? This show is everything, ever! The CW’s new couples weight loss series Shedding for the Wedding debuted tonight after the cycle 16 premiere of America’s Next Top Model. So far, I like it much better than The Tired and Boring Biggest Loser and any other reality show that deals with self-involved bitches obsessing over THEIR BIG DAY. Out of nine couples, only a few are truly obnoxious, and some are actually likable!
The nine couples must dress in the same color (just like on The Biggest Loser) and have assigned themselves a dream wedding theme. Many of them sound lame, and they are lame. But they’re hilarious. Samantha and Brooks‘ theme, for example, is “Eco-Lovers” and that’s why their team shirts are a lovely olive-y beige. You can’t get more environmentally conscious than that. Lindsey and Chase think they’re still in college, so their theme is “Greek Week” and they will have a monogrammed beer pong table at their reception, damnit. You best be stepping out of Lindsey’s way, lest she funnel a Natty Light directly into your ass. Meanwhile, Taylor and Peter want the most creative theme: Gaming! They originally met via online gaming — Peter couldn’t believe Taylor was really a woman, so he asked for her number. It’s not stalking if you fall in love.
So far, my favorite couples are big band enthusiasts Valerie and Dave (pictured) and football lovers Laura and Austin, mostly because they have the nicest intra-couple rapports. It’s agonizing to watch anyone fight during a competition (hello, Amazing Race), but we’re so used to it that the wicked hum of bickering has become like the dial tone of reality television. Muting doesn’t help; you can still hear it with your eyes! These two couples seemed to forget that they were on-camera sometimes and just became lost in each other’s facial expressions and wordplay during confessionals. They’re also the friendliest and most secure in themselves. On the other hand….
Allison and David, who have been granted the unfavorable shade of off-white, are over-confident and judgmental to the extreme. They don’t seem to like each other, which is weird because they’re practically the same person and both really seem to get off on themselves. Terrifying. Hooray, villains!
Wedding planner extraordinaire Brian Worley will be awarding “pieces of the wedding” to the winners of each episode’s challenges. Congrats to red team Laeresa and Stephen for winning their “dream wedding gown and fantasy tux.” FANTASY TUX! They won because they were able to keep their combined heart rates above 225 beats per minute in a crazy dance marathon. Have you ever seen this on Dancing With the Stars? The Shedding for the Wedding version was like that, but with less sequins, more jumping jacks, and probably about the same amount of shameful tears. It was a total disaster and my favorite part of the episode by far. More of this crap, please.
The Bob and Jillian of the show are British soccer player Nicky Holender and Today show regular Jennifer Cohen. They’re tough. Eh. Not much to report. His accent’s cute for now. While the workout scenes aren’t as intense as The Biggest Loser‘s, the editors do seem to enjoy Taylor’s tendency to dry heave during any bout of physical exertion. If you vomit easily, she might make you wretch a bit. I was laughing, but I am gross.
In the end, Ginny and Marc, the pack-a-day smokers from Long Island who wanted a “Beach Romance” wedding, were eliminated because their combined weight loss percentage was the lowest. (The weigh-ins are exactly what you’d expect: boring. Speaking of which, I’m pretty sure host Sara Rue has a much better personality than what we’re seeing here. All of her lines are recited, so she’s just like Allison Sweeney with better hair. Some light improv would be lovely.)
Aw, I really liked Ginny and Marc, too. They put me at ease right away when Ginny claimed at the top of the episode, “I don’t mind his love affair with Entenmann’s Crumb Cake.” Sharing is caring, everyone. Eyes on the prize.
What did you think? Will you stick around for next week?
Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett