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'Cougar Town': Give women what they want!

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In “Cry to Me,” the cul-de-sac crew celebrated Valentine’s Day. Grayson, being the rock-star boyfriend that he is, bought Jules (and even Kirsten!) roses the day before V-Day, thus beginning an epic circle of love. I would like to adopt the circle of love concept into my life, especially if it means someone will bring me sticky buns. Even if that someone is Tom.

The gang recounted their worst Valentine’s Days ever, and Grayson won (?) with his dad’s Feb. 14 death. Jules’ overcooked swordfish pretty much paled in comparison. So Jules spent the rest of the episode trying to see her double rainbow — Grayson crying. Even though Boyfrizzle was willing to do just about anything for Valentine’s Day, he decided he’d rather touch his tongue to a car battery than open up emotionally. (Warning: Do not do this or you could end up just like Laurie’s friend who sits around watching game shows with the lady who helps her go to the bathroom.) As it turns out, Jules really wanted Grayson to treat her differently…which he already does. Also, tears really can squeeze out of his tiny eyes, courtesy of Field of Dreams.

Meanwhile, Travis and Andy looked to please their respective Valentines, a feat that proved to be pretty difficult. Kirsten wanted a sexy picture of Travis, not of Ryan Reynolds (yummy!) riding a horse. And Ellie, who probably doesn’t even have tear ducts, wanted nothing to do with the holiday. Travis turned to Laurie because of her expertise in boudoir photos. (She once sent a patriotic photo to a guy in Iraq with her lady parts covered by a real stuffed eagle.) Andy turned to Bobby because sometimes he sees his ideas in Bobby’s eyes.

All this work was for naught. Laurie reminded the crew (and men everywhere) that if they wanted to be happy, they had to just give the women what they want. You may disagrizzle, but that’s pretty much how the world works. So Trav gave his best performance and ended up with a half-naked, rose-in-his-mouth photo for Kirsten. And Andy listened to Ellie’s request and didn’t woo her for the holiday. She was pissed: “You’re supposed to know what I want even when I’m saying crazy stupid things that I don’t mean. Especially when I think I mean them!” Gentlemen, you can’t win ’em all. But showman Andy came to the rescue when he collected and burned all the neighbor’s Christmas decorations. Awww. Now that’s true love.

Other “Cry To Me” highlights:

++ Jules’ fear of Grayson getting bored with her and throwing her in a wood chipper.

++ “Take down your tacky lights or die! Thank you. That is all.” –Ellie reminding the neighbors that Valentine’s Day is seven weeks after Christmas

++ “Miami. Huge party. Sex. Turns out…not Dan Marino.” –Laurie’s worst Valentine’s Day ever

++ “I keep it long in the winter.” –Barb (I know last week I said I was getting sick of her, but that line was totally disgusting and completely redeeming. Nicely done, Barb.)

++ The “Bitch and Ditch.”

++ Laurie’s helpful photo poses: “Warming my butt by the campfire. Yeah, I sit backwards in a chair, because I’m a rule-breaker.” And my personal favorite, “Here I am. Deal with it!”

What were your favorite moments from “Cry To Me?” What happened on your worst Valentine’s Day ever? And more importantly, are you prepared to deal with the Cougar Town hiatus for the next few weeks? I may not be the Picasso of pouring your guts out, but I’ll definitely give you a comment section to cry in.

Breia on Twitter: @breiabrissey