Darren Franich
January 26, 2011 AT 03:51 PM EST

Clearly sensing that Keith Olbermann’s departure from MSNBC had created a terrible void in the realm of news-jock gasbaggery, Fox News host Glenn Beck upped his rhetorical game last night by adding a couple new toys to his Playhouse. At the beginning of the episode, Beck was stroking a pretty bunny rabbit and doing a good imitation of Laurence Olivier’s German accent. “I’m like a really crappy evil villain, aren’t I?” Beck asked, and it was funny because it was true. That’s when he brought out the chainsaw. Beck noted that President Obama had promised to focus on “five pillars” in his State of the Union speech. “Has anybody ever heard of the five pillars of Islam?” asked Beck. “Mr. President, now you’re just poking people. It would be like if I came out with a chainsaw and a bunny rabbit. Now, am I going to cut the cute little bunny rabbit in half? I might!” Cool, a metaphor!

PopWatchers, I clearly haven’t been following politics closely enough. Is Obama cutting people in half? Or is the bunny symbolic of Wall Street? Is this some sort of high-concept reference to the Judgment of Solomon? And let’s get down to brass tacks, here: How much would you pay to watch Glenn Beck chainsaw a cute bunny in half?

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