Keith Staskiewicz
November 30, 2010 AT 05:25 PM EST

Prepare ye for the words of God. Simon & Schuster announced today that they have secured the rights to a new tell-all memoir by the Almighty Creator, who has also previously written under the noms de plume “Allah,” “Yahweh,” and, until a recent legal tangle with fellow author Stephen King, “King of Kings.” According to a surprisingly funny press release, “God is represented by a burning bush, the Greek letters a and ‡, and, in this case, the Levine Greenberg Literary Agency, the same agency that represents David Javerbaum.” Presumably this Javerbaum fellow, who is the head writer and executive producer of The Daily Show, will be serving in some function as the prime mover’s amanuensis.

Simon & Schuster’s Executive Vice President and Publisher Jonathan Karp told EW they were ecstatic to get the exclusive with such a high-profile author. “We feel like we are the Chosen Publisher,” says Karp. “A lot of writers are creative, but this writer is really creative. And we think He can produce the manuscript quickly: More than seven days, but less than a year.”  Despite the publishing house’s best efforts, He retained the movie rights, but they did get Him to sign on for a nationwide book tour.  The Supreme Being already has quite a literary reputation to live up to: His book The Bible spent 32 weeks on the New York Times bestseller chart and was shortlisted for the Pulitzer Prize. The as-yet-untitled memoir is set to release in late 2011.

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