I once spent an unpleasant month trying to lose 25 pounds so I could box German director Uwe Boll. The infamously craptastic filmmaker — and onetime amateur pugilist — had challenged critics to, literally, get in the ring with him, but insisted that his opponents weigh less than 200 pounds. (Yes, yes, I’m a big fat bastard — please feel free to tell me something I don’t know.) Eventually, my superiors at EW banned me from battling Boll, on the grounds that having one of their staffers sweatily duke it out with The World’s Worst Director, and probably suffer a massive coronary in the process, was “beneath the dignity” of this fine organ. I guess they had a point. As a result, Boll sent an email calling me a “p—y,” which I though was a bit rich coming from someone who didn’t want to fight an overly lardy entertainment journalist, but there you go.
Anyhoo, while Boll may insist on a weight requirement for real-life opponents, it appears he has no problem depicting hefty superheroes on the big screen. The news broke today that one of the director’s upcoming movies is called Blubberella, which stars Lindsay Hollister as “The first female fat superhero….She will kick major a— with her major a–.” Ah, isn’t the language of Shakespeare a wonderful thing?
To be honest, I first assumed this was all some kind of Internet hoax. Surely even Mr. Boll, the man responsible for such previous cinematic atrocities as House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, and Postal, wouldn’t make a movie with that premise. But a spokesperson for Hollister confirmed that the actress is indeed starring as “Blubberella,” in an Uwe Boll film — “un film d’Uwe Boll,” if you will — although he was under the impression that said movie was as yet untitled.
What do you think of Mr. Boll’s latest cinematic idea? Is he attacking society’s culture body fascism? Finally going to topple Citizen Kane from pole position as The Best Film of All-Time? Absolutely nuts? Let us know!
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