Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise is nothing if not known for its plethora of drag-fabulous, ever-repeatable sound bites—everything from gems like Danielle Staub’s “pay attention, puh-leeeeze!” to Shereé Whitfield’s “who goin’ check me, boo?” But newsflash! One of the best, most sound bitey part of Housewives is during the show’s glitzy credits, where the ladies are introduced and each have a few seconds to utter one ridiculously narcissistic line. There are some classics from the five iterations of the show that are already out there, including Kelly Bensimon’s “I’ve created a great life, and I love living it”; Cat Ommanney’s “I’m not here for a long time—I’m here for a good time”; and Cynthia Bailey’s “I know how to work it—and be seen.” And with the franchise’s sixth iteration, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, premiering tonight (T-minus five hours!), we here at EW thought, why not preview—and, most importantly, rank!—the opening lines from the current crop of ladies? In case you don’t know the ladies yet, you can meet them in our handy meet-the-cast gallery. Here’s our ranking:
Lisa Vanderpump: “In Beverly Hills, it’s who you know—and I know everyone.”
EW ANALYSIS: Takes the crown for its sheer level of narcissism. The chances that she knows everyone are about the same as the chances that she’s had no work done.
Taylor Armstrong: “It may look like I have it all—but I want more.”
EW ANALYSIS: Equally as self-obsessed and craven.
Camille Grammer: “It’s time for me to come out of my husband’s shadow and shine.”
EW ANALYSIS: Points for referring to the elephant in the room that everyone wants to know more about—her divorce from TV star Kelsey Grammer.
Kyle Richards: “In a town full of phonies, I’m not afraid to be me.”
EW ANALYSIS: This show is not about showing who you are—it’s about showing us who a diabolically crafty story editor thinks you are, or should be.
Kim Richards: “I was a child star, but now my most important role is being a mother.”
EW ANALYSIS: Oh sorry, we just fell asleep.
Adrienne Maloof: “Money is what I have—not who I am.”
EW ANALYSIS: Did you accidently say this sentence backwards?
Or decide which ones you like the best (and by like, I mean totally hate) by watching the credit sequence here:
Do you agree with my analysis, PopWatchers? Are you excited for tonight’s premiere?