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Dan Snierson's Hit List

10 hot topics for the week of September 3, 2010

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1. Miley Cyrus shooting LOL, in which she reportedly kisses girls, loses virginity, smokes pot
No sign of a stripper pole, though, so the good-girl image remains intact!

2. Cops dispatched to track down Timbaland while he was reportedly distraught over theft of $2 million watch
Time will heal this wound, Timbaland — you just might have trouble telling.

3. Toy Story 3 crosses billion-dollar mark
Woody and Buzz? A billion? That’s amazing! No, I’m not crying. It’s dusty in here. And, um, in the theater. Dust everywhere.

4. Leo DiCaprio gets restraining order against woman who claims she’s his wife and carrying his baby Jesus
If she’s right, call this The Immaculate Inception.

5. After attending mother’s funeral in Australia, Crocodile Dundee‘s Paul Hogan detained for allegedly not paying millions in taxes
”We’re not totally heartless,” insisted the country’s prime minister. ”We could’ve read him the reviews for Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles.”

6. Lindsay Lohan checks out of rehab 67 days early
If that’s not reason to party, I don’t know what is.

7. Michael Bay rebuts lawsuit by men who claim his bodyguard attacked them at a club
Actually, it was Optimus Prime. Guy turns into a total rageaholic when you mess with his flow on the dance floor.

8. Blue Ranger from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers says he quit show after being taunted about his sexuality
”That’s his interpretation of the events, but I wonder if the situation was that black-and-white,” said the Gray Ranger.

9. London theater hosts 80-hour Lost marathon
While there won’t be a live appearance by the Smoke Monster, a killer four-day cloud of BO is expected.

10. Heidi Montag now regrets getting size-G implants
Well, well, well, look who finally sees the error of her…wait, what? Size G??? How far do these letters go???