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'Big Brother' recap: Enzo finally realizes how much he sucks

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big-brother-enzo

Image Credit: Cliff Lipson/CBSIf EW writers and readers had a nickel for every time we’ve called out Enzo for being a terrible player, we’d have enough change to buy him a spaceship so he could fly away from the Big Brother house and back to his home planet. I think he’d like that. Heck, we’d like that. Oh, we can all only dream…

Cabin fever aside, it was an interesting night inside the house. Wait, what do you mean you were “watching the Emmy Awards”? Traitor. Kidding. Let’s start from the top. [SPOILERS AHEAD].

First, there was a long flashback to last week’s events after Matt’s eviction, which was a lot like chewing food you’ve already swallowed. We already knew what the outcome was going to be! I didn’t really get the point in going back in time like they did, but I suspect Big Brother just wanted a reason to use Enzo’s soundbite: “Maybe [Matt] wasn’t The Brains after all because I beat him, and you know I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer.” Yes, we do know, Enzo.

Through the flashback, we also learned that Hayden’s goal when putting Brendon on the block against Ragan was to get Ragan out of the house. At least that was the plan until he snagged POV. BAM! BAM! BAM! (That was the sound Ragan made in the diary room when he was describing his win — not the sound of my exploding nerves as Ragan jumped on them.)

In the HOH competition, contestants used a seesaw-looking contraption to launch bouncy balls into slots with playing cards painted on them. (Big Brother called this Blackjack; I call it recess.) Lane was counting on Enzo to win this one because he didn’t want to be forced to make tough alliance decisions. Enzo being Enzo, he ended up losing. And in Enzo’s eyes, there was nothing worse than losing to “bag of bones” Ragan. You know, the guy whose shirt is so tight “he can’t even breathe,” said the man wearing the penguin suit and sunglasses indoors. “The longer I stay in this house, the more embarrassing it gets,” he lamented after his loss, although he really could have been referring to any number of things.

Lane ended up winning, and as a result, got his first HOH room. But this personal look into his life left Hayden and Britney with concerns: Does Lane really need the prize money? His family is in the oil business, Lane owns a hardhat but doesn’t really need it because he plays golf most of the working day, he drives a Tahoe and ’69 Continental (which means something to someone with knowledge of cars, I’m sure), and his dad owns airplanes. By the way, ladies, he has a brother.

For a guy who allegedly has a lot of money to his family’s name, Lane was still pretty excited about the prospect of winning $10,000. So much so that he opened Pandora’s Box. It backfired, though — but in way that was not as bad as last week’s return of Mr. Pectacular. I doubt any Pandora’s Box will ever produce a more vile result, honestly. Lane had a chance of winning $10,000 (if he picked the correct combination of cards off of the money tree), but ended up only banking $91.17, enough for a tank of gas, he claimed. Not if you drive a Tahoe, dear. The house’s punishment was the loss of their silverware and cups. The best moment of the night was watching Meow Meow eat like a kitten. Priceless.

In one of the least predictable nominations of the season, Lane put up Ragan and Enzo. You have to hand it to Britney, she’s managed to dodge bullet after bullet. To her credit, she has three things Enzo doesn’t: 1) She’s a tough competitor. And I suppose No. 2 and No. 3 are really a pair if you get technical.

What do you think, PopWatchers? Did Lane make the right nominations, or should he have stayed loyal to the Brigade? Should the winner be the person who needs the money the most or the person who’s the better player? Also, do you think Brendon and Rachel will be making “ugly babies” in the jury house? Did watching Enzo use the weight machine as a spaceship remind you of Steve Buscemi’s character in Armageddon? Weigh in below. And follow me on Twitter for more ponderings (@EWSandraG).

Also, check out Dalton Ross’ video exit interviews with Brendon and Matt below.