Oh Adam, where have you been all my D.C. Season 1? It turns out Stacie’s brother-in-law is a rapper with a #1 single in Paris and that guy is adorable. I could have done with more close-up shots of his wiry biceps than of Michaele’s Brazilian blown-out straw tresses slapping back and forth as she boogied akimbo at his concert. And I’m all full up on scenes of Tareq sweating in a black T-shirt. And scenes of him talking nonsense about the legs and arches of wine. And scenes of him bloviating about his wife’s hearty appetite. And scenes of him.
But Stacie and Jason are a forgiving couple and they invited the Salahis to join them at their friends Lauren and Jerry’s vineyard. (Why weren’t these impressive two, whose wine was served at the Governors Ball, cast on the show? Too elegant for reality TV I suppose.) And then the Salahis wanted to prove just how rich and spontaneous they were so they booked a ticket to Paris on three days’ notice to catch Jason’s brother in concert. While Tareq was busy playing the man in Paris, popping open a bottle of Dom, Paul was reeling in DC about revelations of the Salahis’ mean-spirited stinginess. It turns out that Michaele very much wanted to host Paul’s birthday party but only if her duties entailed putting her name on an invitation and enjoying a prime parking spot for their Girls Gone Wild limo. She didn’t want to actually pay for anything. The reason Michaele stood Paul up last week at the Four Seasons was because Tareq was waiting for the birthday boy to sign legal papers saying the couple was entirely off the hook for the bill. “He brought one bottle of champagne that he lanced on linda’s ass,” Paul said with a sigh. Meanwhile Tareq swanned around the party with his chest puffed out telling guests they better enjoy themselves after all he’d spent on the affair. Would somebody just pants that guy already and tell him he’s a no-good clown?
Cat continued to be unimpressed with American foodstuffs. At Mary’s party for her hair stylist friends Cat declared her entree revolting, before being revulsed by insinuations of racism. “I’m so not racist in any way,” she declared. “Racist, sexist…” It always strikes me as ridiculous when someone adamantly refuses any strain of prejudice. But dammit Cat won’t stand for it. Nor will she have her husband pooh poohing her claims of fatigue. Nor will she put up with holding a bevy of shopping bags for her book cover. Her book is so not about shopping; it’s about her heh-larious escapades with inappropriate lov-uhs after she left her husband.
Mary and Lynda didn’t have much to do this episode. Mary reclined in her tastefully appointed living room and clucked over news of the Salahi’s tastelessness. That said, she did admit that their reds are quite lovely. And Lynda succinctly echoed the sentiments of Housewives viewers everywhere. Michaele: “Get rid of your husband.”
And now, my weekly driblet of Michaele’s antics: Copper colored leather jumpsuit. Will eat a whole chicken breast in one sitting, don’t you think she won’t. Very strong opinions on our President. Preach, honey. “I think he’s all about bringing us all together and letting go and there will be those mindsets that’s what makes up the world you know we’re all different.” Yeah, I have no idea either.
What did you power players think? How cute was Jason’s baby brother? Whenever you see someone else appear on the show do you too wonder why Bravo didn’t cast them instead? Any of you going to buy Cat’s new book? Anyone? Bueller?