So much—and, when you really think about it, so little—happened in tonight’s episode of Big Brother, which saw a hard-fought, intense Veto Competition; the season’s second coming of Pandora’s Box; the return of a familiar face; one rather silly sabotage; and one of Brendon’s nominees (Ragan or Lane) go off the block. (SPOILER ALERT: Don’t read on if you haven’t watched tonight’s episode.)
I suppose the biggest news of the night was the fact that Brendon opened Pandora’s Box, allowing Rachel to return to terrorize the house for 24 hours. But going back to my opening line of this post, which cited the “so little” that happened, her haphazard presence really only coalesced into what seemed like a welcome bit of nuttiness—and a series of screaming matches between her and Ragan, who wasn’t having any of her fire-red crazy. When she opened the door (“Hahaha, I’m back, b—-es!”), no one seemed too surprised—or excited to see her. “When I saw Rachel walk through that door,” the ever-sound bitey Britney said in the Diary Room, “I wanted to throw up all over myself.” Ragan was much more public with his disgust: “Why don’t you get us a drink Ra-tress?” he said in front of the rest of the House Guests, referencing her Rachel Uchitel-ish-ness.
Then things devolved into a battle over Ragan’s sexuality: “Do you have to be the biggest bitch,” Rachel yelled at Ragan, “because you’re gay?” Snap! “You can’t even keep a boyfriend!” Honestly, that was low—and, again, pointless! To which Ragan responded: “You can’t even stay in the game of Big Brother!” And the barbs continued: “You’re about as classy as your nasty hair extensions!” Ragan added. “The only thing honest about you is the pimples on your chin!” And: “Talking to you is like talking to the most vile, devil child in the world, and I’m done with it, baby, because I’m done with you because your game in this house is over!” And then, Rachel, added: “I love gay people, and you suck at it!” I could go into a gay-card tirade, but all of it was just too silly to even waste my energy. Truly, she was only using his sexuality in her attack because she had nothing else to work with.
The more subtle, hilarious part of the whole pointless situation was that Brendon was under the impression that when he opened Pandora’s Box that he’d get to see Rachel on the 24-hour vacation away from the house he was promised. Rachel clearly thought the same when she got the invite back into the House, as she went looking for him when she got there. But nope: The producers purposely kept these two lovebirds apart, as Brendon went on his vacay alone while Uchitel, err Rachel, was on her tear through the Big Brother house. Watching Brandon sit at that huge table eating dinner by himself (“This is really good,” he said to…no one) was absolutely one of the most priceless moments of the season so far.
Another hilarious, silly bonus to the whole situation was when Rachel left Brendon a note in the HOH bedroom that he should put Matt on the block in place of Ragan, who won the Power of Veto. She didn’t do it on paper—instead, geniusly, with pretzels! Was there really no pen and pad in the house—or the HOH room, for that matter—that she could have used? Lord, this girl knows how to make good television—and, clearly, use carbs effectively.
At the top of the episode, during a ridiculous Zingbot-infused (what poor intern was forced into that suit?!) competition, as I mentioned before, Ragan won the Power of Veto. Score for him, as he was on the block. But, as all you followers realize, there’s a twist here that no one in the house (except Matt) knows: These nominations could be rocked by the Diamond Power of Veto that Matt holds. Of course, Matt was put up on the block (Brendon thanks you again for the pretzel directional, Rachel!), but he’ll surely take himself off tomorrow. But who will he put up instead of himself? He holds all the power right now. If he’s smart, he’s switch his alliance fully over to Britney and Ragan and put up either Enzo or Hayden, who spent a portion of the episode plotting against him for winning competitions. The Brigade, my friends, is splintering apart quickly. The lamest, most do-nothing alliance in Big Brother history is almost dead.
Lastly, there was more weird act of sabotage from Ragan, who taped a series of those creepy videos that kept the House Guests up all of one night, promising them a competition that would never materialize. “My sabotage kept everyone up all night in a paranoid state of freak-a-tonia!” What does that even mean? Ragan, no—just no.
What’d you think of the episode, PopWatchers? Impressed, like me, with how so much and so little can happen in one hour? Wondering what Kathy is actually good at? Wanting more Rachel in your life? Sound off in the comments section below!
Tanner on Twitter: @EWTanStransky
‘Big Brother’ Sunday recap