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Sound bites

The funniest TV lines from the week of August 2

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”If I put the onesie on, you know I’ve had too much to drink.” —Bethenny Frankel, at her postpregnancy baby shower, on Bethenny Getting Married?

”It’s not Saved by the Bell: We’re not f—ing Zack and Kelly.” —Ronnie, on his relationship with Sammi, on Jersey Shore

”Shark attacks on humans are very rare. Statistically speaking, you are more likely to be attacked by Charlie Sheen than a shark.” —Jimmy Kimmel on Live!

”Tell me that’s not the client. And if she’s over 50, who did her work?” —Jane (Brooke Elliott), on meeting her 34-year-old age-discrimination client, on Drop Dead Diva

”You’re acting like a century-old child!” —Talbot (Theo Alexander), to vampire husband Russell (Denis O’Hare), on True Blood