August 06, 2010 at 04:00 AM EDT

Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff
Sunday, Aug. 15, 10 p.m.
Comedy Central

Comedy Central’s customary celebrity roast has rarely had such a flammable target. From David Hasselhoff’s time on TV costarring with a talking car (Knight Rider) and running in slow motion to save well-endowed damsels in distress (Baywatch), to his inexplicable success as a pop star in Germany, to the infamous video of the shirtless — and obviously inebriated — actor struggling to consume a hamburger, nothing was off-limits for roast master Seth MacFarlane and a parade of comedians and celeb friends. (And we do mean nothing: Many of the night’s zingers were too risqué for publication. We’ve picked out a few of the tamer highlights.) Through it all, the Hoff, perched on a lifeguard chair for the ceremony, reveled in the attention. ”It was incredibly therapeutic,” the 58-year-old roastee told reporters backstage. ”The only one who wasn’t funny was me. I need some heavier jokes — I’m a lightweight!” When it comes to comedy, at least.

Soundbites

”I am the creator of Family Guy, and I am here to salute the greatest cartoon character of all time, David Hasselhoff…. How do you put someone down when they’re already lying shirtless on the floor?” —Seth MacFarlane

”This [night] is embarrassing. I’m glad your career’s not alive to see this.” —Jerry Springer

”Hoff, I know you think you’re so clever with how you’ve managed to insert the word ‘Hoff’ into everything. Everything except the sentence ‘Hey, I’ve been Hoffered a job!”’ —Jeffrey Ross

”I remember how nervous I was on my first day of Baywatch because I can’t swim. But David was so sweet. He pulled me aside and said, ‘Don’t worry, I can’t act.”’ —Pamela Anderson

”I actually tried to buy one of your songs on Amazon.com, and it said, ‘Users who bought this item also bought a shotgun.”’ —Whitney Cummings

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