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'Big Brother': Someone volunteers to go on the block!

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The latest episode of Big Brother was filled with tears, smears, and a bold (some would say crazy) risk that could potentially lead to an early exit out the door. (SPOILER ALERT: Read on only if you have already watched Wednesday’s episode of Big Brother.) The episode began with a premenstrual Britney getting weepy about having been put on the block along with Monet by Rachel. The full-on pity party was complete once Monet then joined the sob session and they both acted like their entire families have been mowed down by an axe murderer, or, in this case, a “chemist”/Vegas cocktail waitress. Later, Britney started crying to Rachel…and wouldn’t you know it — then she started crying! At this point I half expected notorious Survivor weeper Sugar to burst through the walls like an oversized pitcher of Kool-Aid. (Read on after the jump for more!)

Next up: Hayden YELLING AT US FOR NO REASON FROM THE DIARY ROOM!!! Dude, stop making me constantly adjust the volume on my remote control! (Random thought: I wonder if Dan from Big Brother 10 watches Hayden and thinks “Finally, someone where I can freakin’ hear what they’re saying!”) Anyway, after learning that Rachel is, in fact, not a chemist, nor a cocktail waitress, but rather  a “hooker” and a “whore” and a “skanky ass bimbo stripper” (at least, according to Monet and Britney) we watched Matt give his wife a bone disease that means she “has to stop walking or cut her leg off” unless she has expensive, uncovered surgery. His reason for the fib was so people would feel sorry for him and not want to vote him out. It could help in the short term, but is the guy whose wife has an unpronounceable illness really someone you want to bring to the final two? That could just as easily get you sent home by someone smart. Oh, wait, this is Big Brother. There is nobody smart!

Veto competition time. The challenge was to go into stocks and hold a briefcase as close to an hour as possible without going over. That salty-tongued Britney won with a time of 52:28 when everyone else went over the hour, Enzo by just 14 seconds — the same amount of time it takes him for “one quickie with the wifey.” Stay classy, cat speaking guy! Monet (who showed off her considerable mathematical skills by informing us that 60 x 60 = 1,200) tried to work Rachel to put up Andrew for eviction in place of Britney, and that’s exactly what Rachel appeared ready to do — until Matt offered to put himself up instead. He patted himself on the back repeatedly for this maneuver, believing it will make everyone in the house trust him more. He may be right, but it’s still a HUGE gamble. I’m sure everyone thought Marcellas was swell for not using the veto on himself, and then he was promptly shown the door. We’ll see if the same happens to Matt, although it would take nothing short of a miracle to save Monet at this point.

In other news, the word “Brigade” was said approximately 9,384 times (“Brigade” is the new “Saboteur”), and there was once again not a single peep out of Kristen, who is giving Survivor: Samoa‘s Brett a serious run for his money for most invisible reality contestant ever. So, what do you think, Big Brother fans? Was Matt’s offer to be put on the block a stroke of genius or insanity? Can anything save Monet? And does Annie at least get to sabotage the Big Brother sequester house? Post your thoughts below. And for more reality ramblings, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @EWDaltonRoss.

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