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'Goblin' review: For a baby-stealing monster who crushed skulls, he was no Dinocroc. Or Supergator.

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The best way to describe my already-low-expectation disappointment with Goblin, the Syfy channel’s new Saturday-night monster-movie, is to say, it was no Dinocroc Vs. Supergator.

To qualify as a fun-goofy Syfy movie, it has to move along at a rapid clip; the over-the-top scares have to arrive early on, and keep coming. But most of the scenes of the black-hooded, long-toothed creature who steals babies didn’t occur until the second hour of Goblin. Then, at least, there were amusing scenes like this:

Yes, sure, there were some nice unintentionally funny lines such as, “It smells the baby on ya!”

But there was way too much laborious exposition, starting in the 19th century, and then a lengthy set-up involving a family moving to the woodsy town where the goblin sought its prey. It’s my sad duty to report that the dad in the family was played by Gil Bellows, a likable actor who has at least managed to keep Goblin from appearing in his IMDb list of credits.

Oh, well. I guess there’s nothing to do but wait for the upcoming Tiffany vs. Debbie Gibson — I mean, Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid.

Did you enjoy Goblin more than I did?

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