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The Bullseye: July 23, 2010

”Despicable Me,” ”Gossip Girl,” and Ed Norton made pop culture news this week

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HITS
· Despicable Me!
· Shontelle’s first hit single, ”Impossible”
· The unexpected joy of watching Big Brother contestants butcher the word saboteur
· Rachel Maddow’s blonde yearbook photo.
· Jason Segel’s string of charming, self-effacing talk-show appearances
· Paris really is the city of love, because if Blake Lively’s couture parade is any indication of the new season, we’ve fallen for Gossip Girl again.

NEAR MISSES
· Despicable Her: Lindsay Lohan
· 2.4 million are watching Tosh.0. Is it possible that the Internet is better on TV?
· Happy birthday to the Situation, who turned ”29.” He must be counting in abs, not years.
· A 10-word summary of the Joan Rivers/Samantha Ronson Twitter feud: Rivers: Smart joke about Lindsay. Ronson: You’re old. Rivers: Duh.
· Kim Kardashian wears a skintight outfit. Suddenly, we’re craving rump roast.
· Susan Boyle launches her own singing competition, which may explain why Simon Cowell has permed his hair and started collecting cats.
· Carrie Underwood’s wedding vows: ”I promise to love, honor, and obey you. But if you cheat, I’ll dig my key into the side of your pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive.”
· Now that Spain has won, can we go back to forgetting that soccer exists?

MISSES
· Despicable Him (Mel Gibson)
· Bruce Willis debuts ”the manliest scent in the world.” It’s made of beer, motor oil, and the tears of grown men who cried after LeBron James said he’s leaving Cleveland.
· The Bounty Hunter now out on DVD. Gerard Butler, that’s your pride on line 1. It’s calling in sick for the rest of the week.
· Sting’s new greatest-hits-backed-by-an-orchestra album: Like tantric sex, it’s endless and ultimately unfulfilling.
· Lil’ Kim is looking more like Leona Helmsley
· Marvel shuns Ed Norton and recasts the Hulk for the Avengers movie. Don’t make Ed Norton angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

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