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Chad Ochocinco's 'Ultimate Catch': Oh, no(chocinco)

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The NFL’s “most valuable personality” is magnetic on television. (I’m not the only one who loved the implied showmance between him and Cherly on Dancing with the Stars… and I don’t even watch that show.) He’s fantastic-looking, he’s unpredictable, and he calls everyone “mama” or “boss” or “love,” and it’s strangely endearing. But watching him wrangle 85 scantily-clad shrieking and giggling piles of hair extensions — I’m sorry, women — just felt like the worst possible vehicle for him. Last night’s The Ultimate Catch was anything but. [Shrill fake chuckle goes here!]

I’m biased against a lot of Vh1 dating-contest series because after someone does a shot out of someone else’s vagina, it’s like, do we even need more shows? But I guess we do. I just wish Chad Ochicinco weren’t the star of one. Professional football player has his pick of fawning female fans? Yeah, no kidding — pretty much anyone with even a shred of fame can get a dating show. But Ochocinco is a gifted athlete and a total showman; surely he could, oh, teach self-conscious nerds some swagger, or take a club-hopping tour across the country, or find new and creative ways to bump heads with the NFL honchos.

Did you watch Ultimate Catch last night, PopWatchers? Can you believe reality show contestants are still having fights about beds?