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Woman wins annual bad sentence-writing award. Can you come up with a, uh, worserer one than hers is?

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Author Molly Ringle has won the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, in which writers compete to pen the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel. The contest is named after Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who began his 1830 novel Paul Clifford with the phrase, “It was a dark and stormy night.”

Ringle’s winning line, meanwhile, reads:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

That is pretty grim. But I have a suspicion someone out there in Popwatch readerland can top that. Come on, give it your best shot — or, rather, your worst.