tweetered another photo of Miley Cyrus, writing ever so discreetly, “Oh, #Miley! Warning: if you’re easily offended, do NOT click here”… because everyone knows that’s the quickest way to stop people from clicking there.Apparently figuring the stove wasn’t hot enough the first time, Perez Hilton is back touching it: Today, the notorious gossip feeder
If you did click there, what you found was a gallery of photos featuring Miley Cyrus at last night’s MuchMusic Awards — specifically a shot of the teen star mid-performance of “Can’t Be Tamed,” experiencing what looks to be a very unflattering leotard crotch malfunction. Yes, just one week after running a (faked) photo of Cyrus getting out of a car sans pantaloons, Hilton has, oops, gone and done it again… pulled advertisers and threats of legal action be damned. I wouldn’t recommend staring too long at today’s image, but the “offending” area doesn’t make a lot of anatomical sense even if you do. This is really just another tempest in a teenaged teapot, and now we’re all gonna get our very-present knickers in a knot over knothing.
There are a lot of ways I could go with this blog post. The most obvious, of course, would be to encourage everyone to simply ignore the cries for attention that emanate from the Pepto-pink pages of Hilton’s “media” “empire” and hope he and the nonsense he generates eventually disappear forever, but that’s a battle I know I’ll lose. I could also take the self-righteous route, remind everyone that we’re mired in the longest war in our country’s history and there’s oil soaking the Gulf and the French soccer team is in disarray and surely, surely we have more important things to focus on, but hey, look how I’m spending my Monday afternoon.
I could rant and rave about the hyper-sexualization of America’s children and how Hilton is part of the problem, his bizarre obsession with the netherregions of a 17-year-old girl opening the doors for countless pervs and sickos to feed on the innocent, but that seems awfully reactionary and anyway, if Miley Cyrus is an innocent, then I’m the new coach of the French soccer team. Or I could scream for him to be brought up on charges of child pornography — but does anyone really want to live through the ensuing trial?
Still, I want to do something to help negate all the ickiness in this situation, and given the limitations of my personal power, the best I can really do right now is this: I’m gonna go out and buy Miley’s new album. See, I like Miley. I loved “Party in the U.S.A.,” and I watched her on Letterman the other night with a weird sort of admiration for her weary showbiz charm and unflappable demeanor, for the way she dryly sparred with Dave and had no patience for questions about her “lost” childhood, and especially for her answer to Paul’s question about whether or not she lip-syncs. (“YouTube me, ’cause half the comments are like, ‘She sounds like crap!’ I’m like, ‘At least I’m singing live.'”). When she took her mahjong-veteran’s voice over to the stage to blast through “Can’t Be Tamed,” I waited to hate it or be embarrassed for her, but neither happened. It wasn’t life-changing, but it wasn’t the worst diva performance I’ve seen lately, either. (*cough*Xtina*cough*) And she didn’t sound like crap.
Child star Miley Cyrus is smack in the middle of transitioning to adulthood — the triple gainer/inside-the-park home run/LSAT of her chosen profession — and whether or not you agree with her artistic choices, I’d say she’s doing a damn fine job. Does she have a problem with dressing trampy? Yes. Has she made some moves lately — kissing girls, “pole dancing” — that were meant to read as edgy but mostly just made us cringe? Of course. But until I see Cyrus snorting lines of coke off some older dude’s coffee table, or falling down drunk outside of whatever L.A. club is trending with the underage set at the moment, or partying with anyone named Lohan, or showing up late/showing up wasted/not showing up at all to work, I’m gonna keep my horror in check. For crying out loud, the girl still rolls with her mom, and by all accounts, her dad is one of the nicest dudes in Nashville. Something tells me she’ll be okay.
And because she’ll probably be okay, it’s kinda like she is rubber and Perez is glue and etc. Coincidentally, he also tweeted a photo of himself on the MuchMusic red carpet today. Oh, #Perez. Warning: if you’re easily offended, do NOT click here.
What do you think, PopWatchers? How should we react to this latest “scandal”? And is anyone else prepared to buy Can’t Be Tamed in solidarity?