”Precious wouldn’t live in your old apartment.” —Bethenny Frankel, on her fiancé Jason’s subpar old digs, on Bethenny Getting Married?
”Today marked the 50th day of the BP oil spill. Yeah, the oil spill is getting so old, its tar balls are starting to sag.” —Jimmy Fallon on Late Night
”I’m having a really difficult time hearing anything you have to say today, because your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing songs about living on the bayou.” —Sue (Jane Lynch), to Will, on Glee
”For the record, I already hate everything about this.” —Sam (Bruce Campbell), to Michael, on Burn Notice
”Katy Perry and Lady Gaga must admit that what they’re really fighting about is who gets to be Cher.” —Bill Maher on Real Time