Annie Barrett
June 08, 2010 AT 04:43 PM EDT

Joan Rivers is just so excited to be there. Anywhere. She LOVES to work! She’s doing a bunch of reality shows, but I wonder if she could make more money selling a line of her energy in beverage form or maybe in a serum. Women love serums. Anyway, Joan’s documentary with the best title in history, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work, is in theaters this summer. She let a film crew follow her around for a year because all her friends are dying and she hates those biographical movies that make up lies. “Nothing was off-limits,” Joan promises. I can’t wait for this. It’ll be like Valerie Cherish: The Golden Years. The season finale of Joan’s How’d You Get So Rich? airs tonight on TV Land at 10 p.m. ET. Her infinite wisdom follows:

7 Joan Rivers gems on her 77th birthday:

7. “I’m 77 and I’m celebrating it by going to get my 77th face lift.”

6. “I hate children in an airplane. You get two little cr–py kids going ‘Lady, lady’…I turn into a terrorist.”

5. “I’d like a doctor to give me six weeks to live. I would go and eat Italian food. I would be dead with lasagna in my mouth [pictured].”

4. “I dress only in black in case a friend goes.”

3. “I cannot go through the pain of plucking my nipples anymore. I can’t do it!”

2. ”I haven’t got a uterus!”

1. “I will keep doing plastic surgery until I go to the bathroom and wipe my ears.”

Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett

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