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'Sex and the City': The Thriller?

Writer-director Michael Patrick King’s alternate ”SATC” ”screenplay” features Carrie in a film-noir-inspired murder-mystery

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Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker | SEX AND THE CITY Sarah Jessica Parker
HBO

The writer-director behind the SATC movies offers this alternate version of the franchise, featuring Carrie as a hard-boiled gumshoe. Also check out King’s treatment of SATC starring the fab foursome as babies, and pick up this week’s issue of Entertainment Weekly for an SATC set in a postapocalyptic (but still glamorous!) Manhattan, circa 2040.

EXT. CARRIE’S APARTMENT — NIGHT

Carrie is seen looking out of the upstairs window. She is wearing a trench coat and smoking.

CARRIE (VOICE-OVER) It was a rainy New York City night when I got the first call.

INT. CARRIE’S APARTMENT

She picks up her vintage black rotary phone.

CARRIE Carrie Bradshaw.

EXT. NYC STREET — CONTINUOUS

A MAN IN THE SHADOWS — his face obscured.

MAN Someone is killing my friends.

CARRIE Go on.

MAN 782 Park Avenue. Apartment 7B.

The Man hangs up. Carrie looks off — puzzled.

CARRIE (V.O.) 782 Park. It was a familiar address.

INT. PARK AVE. APARTMENT HALLWAY — LATER THAT NIGHT

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT’D) Too familiar.

The name on the door under the 7B: YORK/GOLDENBLATT.

INT. PARK AVE. APARTMENT BATHROOM

HARRY GOLDENBLATT floats in the tub face up — DEAD. Toy plastic DUCKIES float in the bubbles around him. A Burberry-print belt is pulled around his neck.

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT’D) Death by a classic Burberry-print trench belt. It could only be one person.

Carrie looks on from the doorway — shakes her head.

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT’D) It was times like this I wish I hadn’t joined the NYPD in 2011 when the book business went bust.

EXT. PARK AVE. BUILDING — LATER

Carrie hails a cab. She is talking on her cell phone.

CARRIE Miranda — has Charlotte seemed irritable to you lately? Call me when you get this.

She hangs up. Her phone ”chimes”.

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT’D) It was then that I got the text. Same number as the mystery call before.

Carrie looks at text. It says: SCOUT BAR AND GRILL.

EXT. SCOUT BAR AND GRILL — LATER

Carrie gets out of the cab in front of a neighborhood bar — the sign reads SCOUT.

INT. SCOUT — MOMENTS LATER

The BAR is EMPTY. Dark. STEVE BRADY is slumped across the bar — head down. Blood pools out from the side of his skull. There is a broken white coffee mug next to his head. Carrie looks on. Cool, calm.

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT’D) The puzzle was coming together.

Carrie moves the broken coffee mug pieces together. The letters form: Harvard.

EXT. SAMANTHA’S BUILDING — HALLWAY — NIGHT

Carrie is talking on her cell in front of an apartment-building entrance door.

CARRIE Samantha, are you home? I’m downstairs. I think Miranda and Charlotte are on a killing rampage.

Moments later: Carrie is picking the lock on the door with the spike heel of her shoe.

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT’D) Luckily, Manolo Blahnik had brought back four-inch needle-heel stilettos that season.

INT. SAMANTHA’S BEDROOM — A LITTLE LATER

Carrie enters through the bedroom door — shoe in hand.

CARRIE Samantha?

No one is there. Light spills out of the walk-in closet.

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT’D) There was a light on — in her closet.

INT. SAMANTHA’S CLOSET — MOMENTS LATER

Filled with clothing and S&M sex toys.

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT’D) Just the usual…until…

She notices something in the corner. A sweatshirt…

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT’D) That’s when I saw it — a polyblend sweatshirt. Something Samantha would never have in her closet.

Carrie picks it up — it reads: HARVARD. Carrie notices something else on the floor. A trench coat — the label reads: Burberry.

Next page: Sex and the City 2: The Thriller continued

INT. CARRIE’S APARTMENT — LATER

Carrie stands across from a tall, handsome MR. BIG in a POLICE UNIFORM.

CARRIE I think Samantha is killing our husbands because she misses her time with the girls. And you’re next.

MR. BIG I can take care of myself.

CARRIE (V.O.) It was times like this I was glad Big joined the NYPD after the stock market went bust in 2011.

Big picks up the phone.

CARRIE Who are you calling?

MR. BIG We need help.

EXT. CARRIE’S APARTMENT — LATER

An AMBULANCE from BELLEVUE HOSPITAL is parked out front.

INT. CARRIE’S APARTMENT — MOMENTS LATER

Carrie opens the door — a DOCTOR AND NURSE stand there.

CARRIE Doctor, what are you doing here?

DOCTOR Mr. Big called me. He said you’ve been talking about Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte again.

Carrie slams the door and runs into her closet.

CARRIE (V.O.) It was the same nightmare — the one I have every night — only this time — I wasn’t asleep.

Carrie closes her closet door. There is a HARVARD SWEATSHIRT and a RED WIG HANGING THERE. THERE IS A BURBERRY COAT AND A BLACK WIG HANGING THERE. She looks confused — she catches a glimpse of herself in the full-length mirror — she is wearing Mr. Big’s POLICE UNIFORM!

CARRIE No! It can’t be — Miranda, Charlotte, Samantha, Big —

The doctor and nurse stand in the closet doorway.

DOCTOR — Don’t really exist. Carrie — they’re all you.

She screams. The nurse steps up and injects Carrie with a syringe and she collapses.

EXT. BELLEVUE HOSPITAL — FIVE YEARS LATER

Carrie sits in a sunny solarium. She is dressed in traveling clothes. The doctor sits across from her.

CARRIE And now I finally understand — that I couldn’t handle the pressures of trying to have it all — so — I split myself into four women. Somehow it felt easier — with friends.

DOCTOR And Mr. Big?

CARRIE He was the man I created — to make me feel crazy. So that I wouldn’t notice how crazy I actually was. (He nods, then:) Am I free to go?

DOCTOR Yes. Here are your shoes and your cell phone.

As she takes it — the phone rings. Carrie answers it.

CARRIE Hello.

EXT. NEW YORK STREET — CONTINUOUS

The MAN IN THE SHADOWS again — face obscured.

MAN We’re waiting for you. I’ve ordered the cosmos.

THE MAN reveals his face — it’s Samantha in a fedora. Carrie hangs up.

DOCTOR Who was that?

CARRIE Wrong number.

Carrie puts on her shoes — and walks out.