1. Justin Bieber’s mother knocked down as New Zealand fans rush to greet singer at airport
Note to New Zealand’s females: The way to a man’s heart is not over his mother’s stomach.
2. Bret Michaels on road to recovery after brain hemorrhage, could resume tour later this month
Doctors have cleared him to perform 90-minute sets, but he must limit bus activity to 10 minutes per night.
3. David Letterman starts record label
His Top Ten list of acts includes noise-rockers Pencils Crashing Through Glass and all-girl hair-metal band Stupid Human Trixxx.
4. Paramount to make Magic 8 Ball movie
Logic hazy. Try again.
5. TMZ reports that actress Lindsay Lohan may have violated probation
Here’s hoping that the judge doesn’t get ahold of her Late Nite Lindsay Photo Book, which she has conveniently organized into ”tumbles,” ”stumbles,” and ”backseat sleepies.”
6. James Cameron to build 3-D cameras for Mars mission
It’s a sweet deal: NASA has agreed to pay him 20 percent of the planet, plus he gets a first-look deal at Venus.
7. Plans for Anchorman sequel in jeopardy
America prepares to weep in glass case of emotion.
8. The Bachelor‘s Charlie O’Connell and winner Sarah Brice split up…for the second time
No pressure, guys, but only two more makeup-and-breakups and you get a VH1 show!
9. Steve Carell says in interview that next season of The Office probably will be his last
No Michael Scott? Great Scott! NBC, don’t let him off Scott-free! (I can do this all day…)
10. Fox to remake Commando
Auditions veered uncomfortably off course when a poorly worded casting call asked for ”muscled males willing to go commando.”