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'Bones' recap: A wedding and a Wiccan funeral

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Bones-Witch-Wardrobe

Bones

type:
TV Show
genre:
Drama, Crime
run date:
09/03/08
performer:
David Boreanaz, Emily Deschanel
broadcaster:
Fox
seasons:
12
Current Status:
In Season
tvpgr:
TV-14

I’m okay with this episode underwhelming me, but if next week’s Grave Digger trial doesn’t wow, I won’t be so forgiving. Brennan and Hodgins being buried alive is still one of the show’s best hours. (Booth’s near-death experience at her hand, not so much. They owe us.)

On paper, I can see where both of last night’s storylines — Booth and Brennan investigated the murder of a witch who’d gone dark and gotten killed by her well-intentioned coven tripping on LSD fungus in their ceremonial rye flour, and Hodgins and Angela got stuck together in jail and finally had the time to confess they’re still in love and get married — sounded great. But the case never went as deep (or as funny) as it could have, and for a series that relies on logic, the circumstances surrounding Angela and Hodgins’ alone time were frankly annoying. They never tried explaining to the cop who pulled Hodgins over that he swerved because he was looking at a photo of the crime scene and then wanted to experience the Prius’ magical ability to get the most obvious product placement since Avatar help you stay in your lane. Angela went right to flirting and Hodgins to vicious rhetoric, neither of which worked. The cop took them in and found out she had an outstanding bench warrant for defying a notice to appear on a speeding charge and he had a warrant for escaping police custody during a Freedom of Information protest eight years ago. They had to wait for the small town judge/barber to rule on their warrants before they could leave. Apparently, the cop who was so by the book didn’t give them their one phone call until the next morning, when they finally phoned the lab. Cam came for them, just as Angela was getting an orgasmic massage from Hodgins (it’s kind of awesome that a scientist on TV is portrayed as having magic hands and other parts — page 187!). Cam couldn’t get the cop to release them, so she just took the evidence and left them there to continue tossing a penny into a cup and providing occasional insight into the case remotely.

Eventually, Angela asked Hodgins if he ever wondered what happened to them on the day they broke up. They both admitted they replay the conversation they had word for word. She wishes she hadn’t walked away, his biggest regret is that he didn’t try to stop her. Hodgins said he was afraid they wouldn’t be able to sustain that kind of happiness; Angela said it was like they were playing chicken and both swerved. When what they should have done was crash into each other, Hodgins said. That was kind of hot. “At the speed of light,” Angela added. TOO CHEESY. And kiss! I should have heard trumpets — this moment has been a long time coming — but all I kept thinking was that clip I’ve seen of Kate and Sawyer in that cage on Lost was so much steamier.

Since they finally had the judge, and a witness in the cop, they took the opportunity to get married. That made sense. I don’t think Brennan and Booth could deal with wedding day tension again right now. We found out that Hodgins carried his ring in his wallet since their first wedding. And what, Angela made hers into some kind of naughty piercing? Anyway, they had rings. The vows were sweet enough. Hodgins went first, and his simple “I’m your guy,” harkening back to his reaction when Angela feared she was pregnant with Wendell’s baby, totally got me. It’s just sexy when a guy is that sure and that willing to express it. (Though I do hope he wasn’t serious about having sex in the cell.) Angela, or whatever her real name is (surprisingly, I don’t actually care), started off, and I thought she was stealing from The Runaway Bride, but she made the realistic vows her own. They’ll live and love, have fun and a little pain, and share a life that will make other people die with jealousy. (Can they really be that happy, or is there a hidden clue in there for drama to come?)

Back on the case, I was a little disappointed they never explained why the witch’s feet shriveled up like in The Wizard of Oz. Otherwise, the lasting takeaways: Sweets was once again an expert in something we never knew he was interested in. His first published paper was on the collective sociopathology behind the Salem Witch Trials. Sure. Why not? Somehow, the coven found the time to give Booth a little toothpick figure of Brennan as they were being questioned. If he burned it in front of her, whatever wish he made for her would come true. He wished that she’d find happiness: “Love, laughter, friendship, purpose, and a dance.” Or, in other words, him.

Your turn. What did you think of the episode?