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'The Real Housewives of New York' recap: There's a new housewife in town

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Image Credit: Mitchell Haaseth/BravoOn last night’s episode, we met the newest Housewife Sonja. Welcome Sonja! You are the ridiculousness—”I have a Miami closet and a Colorado closet and a Palm Springs closet”—this season has been lacking. LuAnn described Sonja, who divorced a rich man a few years ago and only showed wedding photos starring herself, as a “sexy pistol.” She has a table in her foyer where she apparently keeps framed photos of her sexy pistol conquests. Max (yes, that Max) was her go-to Thursday. Sonja gets needles plunged into her neck and she has a young assistant who dresses like Harry Potter and I picture lots of scenes with her discussing her conquests in her dressing gown at her makeup table. Plus, she told a great story about Ramona running off with her dress at a sample sale. “Look, a man!” I picture Ramona crying, as she pointed towards the dressing room, before shoving the Badgley Mischka under her arm and cat-walking over to the cashier. “What? I was just being honest. There was a man over there. How was I supposed to know she wanted this dress? It’s not her size. Look at her hips. What? What! Next time I just won’t say anything about how yellow isn’t her color.”

Speaking of cat walk. “So I should tilt my pelvis out a little?” Ramona asked of the models before the Brooklyn Fashion Week(end) show started. Oh sweet Jesus, we were in for some trouble.

While Ramona crazy-eyed her way down the Brooklyn runway, Jill tortured Simon in the audience. She was already annoyed that she was stuck in an outer borough where a trash bag had the nerve to get too close to her on the sidewalk. She was annoyed that Kelly brought up her crazy email about daring to be friendly with Bethenny. She was annoyed that Ramona didn’t have smoky eyes. (“Mario doesn’t like me in too much makeup,” she said. Mario does apparently like her in floor-length negligees with thigh high splits. That whole scene is going to take a while for me to shake.) Anyways, Jill was none too impressed by the whole event. “This chair is so uncomfortable,” she softly sniped to poor Simon. “That skirt doesn’t fit in the back… she’s walking too fast… tell her to slow down…” Simon nodded along without ever looking at or listening to her. After the show he was similarly gracious to ding dong Ramona—”fierce walk, ma’am”—while she yammered in the background about all the people she had to thank for her poise on the runway. Simon gave Alex, who has never looked better, a congratulatory kiss that seemed as real and romantic as any we’ve ever seen them share.

Meanwhile, we saw Bethenny pee on a stick. We actually only got a profile of her bare hip on the john. I found this disconcertingly intimate. Anyways, as we all know, the girl is knocked up. She called her boyfriend 225 times only to get his voicemail. So there Bethenny crouched on the cold tile floor with only her dog Cookie for company and a very dry-sounding best friend on the phone. (“Am I supposed to get fat now?” Bethenny asked her in a daze.) In happier times, Jill would have been kneeling next to her, alternately hugging her and worrying about her diet and scaring her about an episiotomy and wrinkling her nose over a stray hair on the tile. Instead Jill was trying to play Kodak queen at her endorsement party. Just as Jill greeted Ramona with an insult over her necklace, Ramona greeted Jill with a sneer about Kodak’s falling stocks. “I think they’re a little antiquated as a company,” she worried with false concern. (What? She’s a businesswoman. Can’t a businesswoman be honest?!) Jill tried to get her kicked out of the event, sending over her 6 foot goons to get her tossed. Kelly (who created quite la scandale by wearing a skirt below her knees) and LuAnn told her she needed to edit and simmer. Ramona stomped her foot and stirred her drink alone in the corner. Eventually Kelly and Ramona traded barbs about which one of them didn’t have a brain (C for all of the above?) and Ramona stormed out of the event, her cape billowing behind her like a plume of dragon’s breath.

Next week: Avery grimaces—”can’t I just watch?”—when Ramona asks her to be her maid of honor at her TruRenewal Renewalnewal ceremony.

What did you all think? Can anyone explain to me what Kelly was going on about with PR 101 and 102? Do we like Sonja or does she already grate? Is Bobby the only one who can possibly get Jill and Bethenny back into each other’s arms?