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Dan Snierson's Hit List

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1. Rage Against the Machine invite Susan Boyle to sing ”Killing in the Name” with them at upcoming concert
If my math is correct, their combined forces shall rock no harder than Evanescence, but no softer than the Goo Goo Dolls.

2. Ferrari from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off up for auction
Can be driven out Cameron’s dad’s window by the highest bidder!

3. Clash of the Titans remake scores $61.2 mil on opening weekend
In related news, this old bottle of Grecian Formula still works!

4. Writer who alleged that Kelsey Grammer stole his idea for 2008 comedy Swing Vote settles with Grammer for $10
Considering the movie’s box office gross, Kelsey kinda took it on the chin.

5. Justin Bieber becomes youngest male solo artist to chart No. 1 in more than four decades
He was actually planning to pull off this feat last month, but he was busy BEING BORN.

6. Charlie Sheen considering quitting Two and a Half Men
Charlie Sheen and more free time? What could possibly go wrong?

7. Heidi and Spencer blasted by Native Americans for renaming themselves Running Bear and White Wolf to become more spiritual
How many ways to say it — they’ve gone off the reservation.

8. Ozzy’s new song ”Let Me Hear You Scream” to be unveiled on April 14 episode of CSI: NY
In the episode, Mac and Stella discover trace urine on a national landmark and find themselves on the hunt for a serial bat-beheader.

9. Orlando Bloom asks for directions, assistance with his stalled motorbike from TMZ paparazzo and New York pedestrians
Something to consider: If he signs up for premium service, he’ll receive two free career jump starts per year.

10. Lost‘s Yunjin Kim gets married in midst of shooting final scenes
Guests said the ceremony was cool, but they still had unanswered questions about the couple at the end.

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